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Ace
09-10-2002, 08:02 PM
Mine would be, at the outpost, where the tigers are eating the zebra:

And to our right, you will see a striped horse, some cow things, and a spotted dinosaur.

Morrigoon
09-10-2002, 08:04 PM
You know, the __________ can grow to weigh 5000 pounds and jump 25 feet!

You know, the __________ can grow to weigh 5000 pounds and jump 25 feet!

You know, the __________ can grow to weigh 5000 pounds and jump 25 feet!

You know, the __________ can grow to weigh 5000 pounds and jump 25 feet!

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SzczerbiakManiac
09-10-2002, 08:42 PM
Help! To everyone who attended the Gemini Cricket "Emergency" trip meet a month or so ago, what was the new funny line we heard on the JC that night? I'm wracking my brain but I can't remember it for the life of me. (And I looked through the Lounge but couldn't find the post where I thought it was written up.)

merci

bandboy1985
09-10-2002, 08:45 PM
so i'll feel Really bad if this is not a joke, but the delivery was so smooth and accompanied by a wink, so i'll just post it here:

"...and once again, I'd like to mention to all you folks onboard how greatful all us skippers are that Disneyland is an equal-oppurtunity employer, and that they're helping out so many of us ex-inmates by providing us with jobs. that's a rare opportunity and we'd just like the thank Disney once again..."

blusilva
09-10-2002, 09:21 PM
Like Morigoon, I like the Such and Such animal weighs x amount of pounds anc can jump x amount of feet joke. I find myself reciting it during all those hours of Animal Planet I watch.

I also love the old gem "the backside of water". Gets me every time. Do they even do that one anymore? I rarely go on JC during the day, so we usually get the Budget Fantasmic joke.

Laffite
09-10-2002, 09:27 PM
When the boats come around back to the dock and there's some Indian inscriptions on the wall to the right, a skipper pointed that out, said it was his email addy we could email him anytime. That was the only funny thing he said on that trip because he mumbled in the mic. And, that's the only time I ever heard that joke, no other skipers use it.

The "we want the red head" translation joke is good too. Don't really have one favorite. I have many jokes that I like :)

Durliin
09-10-2002, 09:34 PM
We lost 2 good men out here more then a year ago they went by the names of Smith and Wesson Very High Calibre Both about 38, Special to us but unfortunatly they were fired but hey at least they went out with a bang......Look at the Hippos Look at the hippos thats pretty much all we can do now is look at the hippos....

WannabeWalt
09-10-2002, 10:17 PM
While waiting in the Old Jungle Cruise line " Hey folks we have some baseball scores; 8 to 5 , 4 to 3 and 7 to 2."

madamemortem
09-10-2002, 10:56 PM
" Ah Disneyland...the biggest people trap ever built by a mouse.."
When approaching the lion's den "Oh look, the lion's are watching over that sleeping zebra. (singing) Can you feel the love tonight..."
"We have giraffes, gazelles...and I don't recognize those animals, they must be ga-new" (rim shot)
"We're headed into head hunter territory. It's a bad place to be-headed"
Passing by the Tucans after the waterfall "There's two tucans, if there were three it would be a six-pack":eek:

"I would like to now point out some of the local plantlife (puts down mic and just points around)" :rolleyes:

Not Afraid
09-11-2002, 12:05 AM
Originally posted by SzczerbiakManiac
Help! To everyone who attended the Gemini Cricket "Emergency" trip meet a month or so ago, what was the new funny line we heard on the JC that night? I'm wracking my brain but I can't remember it for the life of me. (And I looked through the Lounge but couldn't find the post where I thought it was written up.)

merci

I THINK that was the night of.......

"This is the Temple of the Forbidden Eye, built in the style of the Arts and Crafts Movement in California."

If there was more, someone else will have to chime in here. I was laughing to hard at that point. If GC has heard this one, then I've probably gotten the right evening.

I love when there are references to other DL attractions or locations. I've never heard "We want the read head" but I have heard a skipper say, when pulling into dock, "permancer sentados, porfavor" (sp?!)

HBTiggerFan
09-11-2002, 12:20 AM
When they get to the part I think its right before Trader Sam...with the Natives and the spears, the Skipper has to get the timing right so they are already up and the Skipper tells them to turn around (and they do) and sit down (which they do)...

winniepooh
09-11-2002, 04:46 AM
On the way to the Dock:

"This is it folks, if you enjoyed the ride this is the Jungle cruise and my name is Andrew if not....
Then my name is Brandon and this is Storybook land

One time at night exiting Indiana Jones, we saw a jungle cruise boat sneaking up to the Indiana jones line with the lights out all the sudden the skipper turned on the lights and screamed AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGG!!

That was fun..

But there a just so many fun jokes out there..

mousey_girl
09-11-2002, 07:28 AM
I still like the classic "DUCK!!!!!!!! see, there goes a duck."

Everyone, and I do mean everyone, on the boat ducked down.

disneymeimei
09-11-2002, 08:04 AM
The back side of water is our favorite. The JC is such a fun ride when you get a skipper that delivers the lines naturally. The "jokes" are no good if the CM is just there to do a job. We can always tell which skippers really enjoy their work, and they will get a written compliment from us.

It is too bad that DL had to be politically correct on this ride. Before the jokes were a little funnier and the scenes were a little more real, as in the jungle there really are lions eating zebras, etc.

TerryTiger
09-11-2002, 08:37 AM
Originally posted by Morrigoon
You know, the __________ can grow to weigh 5000 pounds and jump 25 feet!

You know, the __________ can grow to weigh 5000 pounds and jump 25 feet!

You know, the __________ can grow to weigh 5000 pounds and jump 25 feet!

You know, the __________ can grow to weigh 5000 pounds and jump 25 feet!

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.
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You know the Bengal Tiger weighs up to 5000 pounds and can jump 25...

THOUSAND feet! (from an airplane)...(when pushed out...)

Gemini Cricket
09-11-2002, 08:44 AM
Originally posted by SzczerbiakManiac
Help! To everyone who attended the Gemini Cricket "Emergency" trip meet a month or so ago, what was the new funny line we heard on the JC that night? I'm wracking my brain but I can't remember it for the life of me. (And I looked through the Lounge but couldn't find the post where I thought it was written up.)

merci
I don't think we rode JC at the GC meet... I could be wrong. We did a lot of DCA, I remember that.

Once, I think I've mentioned this before, the skipper pretended like he was animatronic. That was dang funny. He broke down half way through and made funny noises. :D

SzczerbiakManiac
09-11-2002, 08:47 AM
Not Afraid wrote:
"This is the Temple of the Forbidden Eye, built in the style of the Arts and Crafts Movement in California."That was the one, thanks! :)

Bill Catherall
09-11-2002, 08:48 AM
I have been a JC joke/attraction several times...while doing the baby swap for Indiana Jones. My kids like to watch the boats go by, so we are often in that area of the exit where the JC boats pass and make jokes about the "local wildlife" and how they keep us behind a fence to protect the boat passengers. :rolleyes: :D

DJ_MENTOS
09-11-2002, 11:58 AM
Wave good-bye to all the beautiful people on the dock.... and now all the others.

There's a bengal tiger. When fully grown can weigh up to 5000 punds and jump 25 feet. But dont worry, we're only 15 feet away. He'll jump right over us.

There's Bob, he's a brass monkey.... that funky....monkey.

They told me that building was 4 stories tall. I thought it was 5, but that's just another story.

There's something you dont see everyday, but I do. Every single day. Kids, stay in school.

We're now entering the largest river, in Anaheim, the Nile River. If you don' believe me, you're in denial.

As you exit the boat please, watch your head and watch your step. If you hit your head as you miss your step, please watch your language, its a family park.

I LOVE THIS RIDE SO MUCH, I'M GOING TO GO ON IT AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN. ALL DAY LONG!



DJ_MENTOS
P.S. can you tell what ride I want to work on?

danyoung
09-11-2002, 12:12 PM
Originally posted by Morrigoon
You know, the __________ can grow to weigh 5000 pounds and jump 25 feet!

You know, the __________ can grow to weigh 5000 pounds and jump 25 feet!

You know, the __________ can grow to weigh 5000 pounds and jump 25 feet!

You know, the __________ can grow to weigh 5000 pounds and jump 25 feet!
.

The funny thing to me about this one is how it somehow got off track. The original line was that the bengal tiger can grow to weigh five HUNDRED pounds, etc, which is an accurate fact. Now it seems this 5000 pould line is more the norm. I'd sure like to see one of them 2 1/2 ton tigers!!!

danyoung
09-11-2002, 12:30 PM
I only heard my favorite line one time - "Here's the back side of Schweitzer Falls, named after the back side of Albert Schweitzer."
After hearing about the backside of water so many times, this one just caught me by surprise!

TaraRebeka
09-11-2002, 02:13 PM
"And please be sure to join us at approximately 10:45 this evening at the Mickey and Friends parking structure for '45 Years of Headlight Magic' as you and your family become part of the last show of the day. Colorful characters and colorful language fill this show spectacular."

I've only heard this one once and thought it was hilarious.

RStar
09-11-2002, 02:26 PM
Originally posted by danyoung
The funny thing to me about this one is how it somehow got off track. The original line was that the bengal tiger can grow to weigh five HUNDRED pounds, etc, which is an accurate fact. Now it seems this 5000 pould line is more the norm. I'd sure like to see one of them 2 1/2 ton tigers!!!

I think it may have become 5000 lbs because of the elephants. They may have been talking about the tigers first, 500 lbs and can jump 25 ft., then point to the elephants and say 5000 lbs and jump 25 ft. Just a guess...

I like at the dock:

"and don't forget your belongings. And the kids. If you forget the kids we will take the over to Small World, nail their feet to the floor and make them sing that hidious song over, and over, and over."

It always surprized me that Disney would let that one go by.

Yes! I've heard the "Headlight Magic" one before! Very funny!:D

adriennek
09-11-2002, 02:28 PM
They don't use my favorite joke anymore.

"Here we have the second most feared animal in the jungle, the African Bull Elephant. Up ahead we have the most feared animal in the jungle, his mother-in-law."

That was a good joke.

There was one skipper who did an amazing job of the backside of water joke. Unfortunately, he doesn't work at JC anymore. Fortunately, we were on the boat for his very last cruise as a skipper and we got it on video. It got dark during the ride so you can't SEE anything on the video, but you can hear it!

Adrienne K

Ghoulish Delight
09-11-2002, 02:45 PM
"On your left we have the African bull elephant, the largest land mammal alive. And for those with a short memory...On your right we have the African bull elephant, the largest land mammal alive."

At night. "The African bull elephant is the fastest creature in the jungle, watch" Shines the light on the first elephant, shines it wildly in the air, then onto the second elephant!

"Hold on as we take a completely unecessary turn to the right. Aaaand another unecessary turn to the left."

I've only heard it once, and I always forget the guy's name (someone will help me), but a guy gave the enitre "not from the front, but from the side" raptor spiel from Jurassic Park in the hippo pool. It took everyone a beat to figure out what he was doing, but when it clicked, it was hillarious.

I can't remember any of the lines, but I always like a skipper who bothers to make a joke about the 2 toucans that are to the left of the boat after the backside of water.

"Up ahead you can see the famous Sweitzer Falls. Named for that famed African explorere...Albert Falls."