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Bytebear
03-01-2007, 08:23 AM
What is your favorite Jungle Cruise joke? Which joke makes you groan every time? What unique jokes have you heard over the years that you wish they would do more often?

yohomama212
03-01-2007, 08:44 AM
As a mom who often rides with her mom, we both get a kick out of the joke refrencing the people in line for Indy, then saying "beware of the small ones though, they latch on for 18-20 years and don't let go"! (Or something to that effect.) Only one time, I think it was our first ride around this year, and thus the first time we saw the piranahs, we were entering that part of the ride and the tour guide started talking about this great new healing spa for the women, and the water started bubbling, and as we got closer, we all got totally startled by the piranahs! All the other guides seem to be just a bit off and the piranahs aren't as startling!

Liz :cool:

charpaul
03-01-2007, 09:06 AM
I have posted this before on here....

MY ALL TIME FAVORITE Jokes on the Jungle Cruise used to be used during GayDays...

When entering the hippo pool...
"Don't worry, they are only dangerous when they are wiggling their ears and blowing bubbles..... and bubbles didn't come into work today!"


AND


"Don't worry ladies - you have nothing to worry about. These are man eating crocodiles."

Vegitabeta
03-01-2007, 09:15 AM
I have posted this before on here....

MY ALL TIME FAVORITE Jokes on the Jungle Cruise used to be used during GayDays...

When entering the hippo pool...
"Don't worry, they are only dangerous when they are wiggling their ears and blowing bubbles..... and bubbles didn't come into work today!"


:eek:

yohomama212
03-01-2007, 10:01 AM
MY ALL TIME FAVORITE Jokes on the Jungle Cruise used to be used during GayDays...




Is GayDays actually an event in the park, if so when? Or is it just in refrence to a short era in Disney history when it was refered to as the "Gayest" place on Earth? Just curious.

Liz :cool

Vegitabeta
03-01-2007, 10:08 AM
Is GayDays actually an event in the park, if so when? Or is it just in refrence to a short era in Disney history when it was refered to as the "Gayest" place on Earth? Just curious.

Liz :cool


It's an actual event, not sure of the days, you could do a search.

charpaul
03-01-2007, 10:10 AM
Is GayDays actually an event in the park, if so when? Or is it just in refrence to a short era in Disney history when it was refered to as the "Gayest" place on Earth? Just curious.




It is an "unofficial event" not sponsored by Disney.
It is always the First weekend in October. They are not allowed to say those jokes anymore:(

MickeyDogMom
03-01-2007, 06:16 PM
When entering the hippo pool...
"Don't worry, they are only dangerous when they are wiggling their ears and blowing bubbles..... and bubbles didn't come into work today!"

As a straight, 20 year old, I would laugh my butt off if I heard that, it's a HOOT!! But if there were any kids or teens on the boat I probably wouldn't approve.

But the best jokes always seem to be at night, I can't remeber the name but my favorite skipper has the best night jokes ever.

My fave is:
As you go under the waterfall rather than the lame 'backside of water joke', he turns off all the lights and says, "And for those of you who missed Fantasmic!" and he begins to hum/toot the theme song while flashing the lights.
As we leave he says, "Wasn't that great?? Those people on the river and their fireworks, we're just as good. We're working with Disney to get the funding over here. We'll show them!"

My other faves are the "if you leave your kids here we'll nail the feet to the floor in Small world" and the "watch your step, but if you miss your step and hit yoiur head watch your language, there are kids everywhere"

Does anyone know if they have a copyright on these jokes? (just wondering :confused: )

disneyhound
03-01-2007, 06:36 PM
The final joke of the ride, "Hope you enjoyed your adventure, and as my mother said when I was born, it was nice having you..." :p

SarahJanet
03-01-2007, 09:33 PM
My favourite is "hey, I don't recognize that animal, it must be new!" Or, rather, gnu. Because it was a gnu.

However, I only like it because I was the only person on the whole boat who laughed (I totally snorted, too - classy!), and then when we got off at the end the guide (who was really cute) said "and thanks to the one girl who got my gnu joke!" It was funny.

Rufus T Firefly
03-01-2007, 09:43 PM
" This is Schweitzer Falls named after the famous humanitarian Dr Albert Falls "

TiggerRPh
03-01-2007, 09:46 PM
How about....

"Now, that we've docked the boat, I'm going to tell you the same thing that my mother told me when I turned 21, the free ride is over...now get out."

MadasaHatter
03-01-2007, 10:22 PM
I haven't heard this in a long time but when they pass the Lion's eating the zebra they say "Awwww.....can you feel the love tonite." OR my second favorite one is the same spot when they said" Awwww the lions are guarding the sleeping zebra."

Ohthatjeff
03-02-2007, 05:05 AM
"Can anyone tell me what kind of snake that is? I'll give you a hint. It starts with a 'P'."
"Python?"
"Nope, Plastic."

tod
03-02-2007, 06:28 AM
"And here's Trader Sam, the head salesman of the jungle. Business has been shrinking lately, so he's offering a specual deal this week -- two of his... for one of yours."

The classics never get old.

--t

jennowned
03-02-2007, 07:17 AM
best jokes always seem to be at night, I can't remeber the name but my favorite skipper has the best night jokes ever.

My fave is:
As you go under the waterfall rather than the lame 'backside of water joke', he turns off all the lights and says, "And for those of you who missed Fantasmic!" and he begins to hum/toot the theme song while flashing the lights.
As we leave he says, "Wasn't that great?? Those people on the river and their fireworks, we're just as good. We're working with Disney to get the funding over here. We'll show them!"


AHHH!!! THATS MINE AS WELL!!! HAHA IM GLAD SOMEONE ELSE HEARD THIS ONE HAHA EVERYTIME I GO WITH SOMEONE ELSE TO THE PARK THAN THE PERSON I WAS WITH THAT DAY I HEARD IT I CROSS MY FINGERS AS WE GO BY THE BACKSIDE OF WATER IN HOPES THEY WILL TELL THAT JOKE LOL BUT ONLY HEARD IT THAT ONCE!

and i do agree the best jokes are DEF at night :)

jennowned
03-02-2007, 07:17 AM
best jokes always seem to be at night, I can't remeber the name but my favorite skipper has the best night jokes ever.

My fave is:
As you go under the waterfall rather than the lame 'backside of water joke', he turns off all the lights and says, "And for those of you who missed Fantasmic!" and he begins to hum/toot the theme song while flashing the lights.
As we leave he says, "Wasn't that great?? Those people on the river and their fireworks, we're just as good. We're working with Disney to get the funding over here. We'll show them!"


AHHH!!! THATS MINE AS WELL!!! HAHA IM GLAD SOMEONE ELSE HEARD THIS ONE HAHA EVERYTIME I GO WITH SOMEONE ELSE TO THE PARK THAN THE PERSON I WAS WITH THAT DAY I HEARD IT I CROSS MY FINGERS AS WE GO BY THE BACKSIDE OF WATER IN HOPES THEY WILL TELL THAT JOKE LOL BUT ONLY HEARD IT THAT ONCE!

and i do agree the best jokes are DEF at night :)

jennowned
03-02-2007, 07:17 AM
sorry for the dual post! seems i cant delete it either :(

potzbie
03-02-2007, 08:08 AM
Old joke which has been retired, apparently:

As you leave the dock and enter the "Amazon jungle," the skipper says, "See the flowers? They are the rare plastic orchids, which only grow here in Disneyland."

hrhlaurie
03-02-2007, 08:29 AM
I liked the joke about Small World also, and making any kids left behind sing that song over and over and over...

They also used to make a joke that went something like, "Now you see a dock to the left and one to the right and we call that a 'paradox' (pair-of-docks)".

One memorable evening, we were on perhaps the last boat out and only a couple of people on there other than my kids and I and my son, who was 11 or 12 knew all of the jokes so the skipper handed him the microphone and let him go at it. He's never forgotten that ride and how much fun he had.

futurecm21
03-02-2007, 02:30 PM
My favorites are

1.) And just ahead, you'll notice an alligator playing with an elephant. That's not a sight you'll see every day! [lower voice] But I will...over...and over...and over...

2.)See that rock right there, it's actually made of limestone, but many of my crews just take it for granite.

3.)Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the World Famous Jungle Cruise Please do not take pictures while you are in the queue. Once again please do not take pictures while you are in the queue; They are nailed to the walls for a reason.
:)
futurecm21

Bytebear
03-02-2007, 03:20 PM
Ok, I like, "That tiger can jump 20 feet, so don't worry folks, he will jump right over us". We had one skipper who did this running gag that the tiger could jump 300 feet into the air, and then repeated the same line for every single animal on the tour. It got a little tiresome.

drjones
03-02-2007, 05:17 PM
2 of them actually

when they took out the guns from the boats, in the hippo pool.
'look at the hippos. thats all we can do is LOOK at the hippos"

and at the end when passing trader sam and approaching aladdin's oasis:

"if you enjoyed your trip, my name is ***, and if you didn't you can send your complaint to that address over there" (indicatiing the arabic writing on the wall of aladdin's oasis.

drjones
03-02-2007, 05:19 PM
oh yeah, while waiting in the queue, an announcement over the intercom:
"Can I have your attention please, can I have your attention please...."

quiet....then "Thank you, i just really wanted the attention"

stan4d_steph
03-02-2007, 05:35 PM
The funniest thing that ever happened to me on the Jungle Cruise was when the skipper went into the velociraptor speech from Jurassic Park. It's one of those "you had to be there" situations, but at the time it was so awesome.