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View Full Version : Just to cause trouble......an "adult" DCA



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Darkbeer
03-02-2002, 12:10 AM
First off, get THAT out of your mind... this is supposed to be a "hip and edgy" park, think "Spring Break"... if the folks at Disney skipped the "family" and went for the 18 and over only crowd. I will keep this PG-13 rated, and would really appreciate others to keep it the same... and this is "WHAT IF SARCASM..." and by no means the actual ideas of Disney, or anyone else except my warped sense of humor... (enough of a disclaimer, then place your Over the Shoulder restraints on and come on in....)

So, after buying a ticket at the main entry, with the BIG signs, FAMILY/KIDS, go check out DISNEYLAND, College kids and older, check out our NEW Disney's College Adventure...." (Very little change needed on the signage and Plaza)... As your Ticket /Pass is checked, your ID is also checked, and you are issued a wristband, with the official color of the day, 18 thru 21 (Better not even be thinking of buying a drink band), and the 21 and over band (Please spend all your excess cash at our bars)...

The entry plaza is now sponsered by Hawaiian Tropic, with free Suntan Lotion handed out by beautiful females and males in "beach attire" giving away free samples.... plus a couple of stands selling Jello shooters.....

The Sun Plaza has been converted to a "beach" including sand around the whole area, "Sun Lamps" for tanning whenever the park is open, lots of lounge chairs, etc.... plenty of "servers" ready to take your drink order (When they issued your wristband, a credit card was automatically linked to it, so order away...) Also, the dress policy at the new "DCA" is whatever you can get away with at the beach... aka dental floss

To your Left, Hollywood, with the revised Muppet Movie, with all the things you wanted the Muppets to REALLY say.... Plus the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Show that is now sponsered by Jose Quervo Gold Tequila, and after every correct answer after 32,000, a "traditional" shot must be consumed, NOBODY will get to New York this way ;)

The Goofy's Beach Bash area now becomes a Major Dance Floor....sponsered by Jagermeister...

Superstar Limo stays up and running, the best way to go thru it is after a couple of Jagermeisters..... NO change is needed after the Jager

BLAST is soooooo... appropriate now, College kids, College bands, though they have to add bathrooms to the Hyperion Theater, plus all the Beer vendors selling the wares during the show...

The Animation building stays, it was good as part of the old DCA, and still is good with the new DCA, even though the script is updated for the Lilo and Skitch stuff.... (Someone who has seen this multiple times can help out here...;)

It's Tough to be a Bug movie never runs, instead couples enjoy the "peaceful area and darkness, though when the seats "sting" people every few minutes, a few people gets their face slapped...

The ex-Golden Vine area is now a Hooters, and is the most popular place in the park, excellent chicken wings, etc... (and all the guys hang around here for some reason...)

The Mission Tortilla Factory and Boudin Bread place are sought out now, with folks wanting to have something to "soak up" their stomach contents, the places become SOOOO popular that an EXTRA fee is now charged to get the previous free goodies...

Karl Strauss buys the rest of the Wharf, and instead of a Beer Truck, it is now a Beer FACTORY, with plenty of beer brewing and selling going on....

Avalon Cove is now the biggest Bar (no more restuarant) in DCA, with the "Hollywood" doormen making sure you "meet" the standard to get into the club....

California Screamin' still runs, but with the special airline "bags" available now...

You can now get REAL Tattoos at Paradise Pier, along with Schlitz Malt Liquor, Mickey's (no relation) Malt Liquor, etc..


Maliboomer does offer the ladies a chance at a free photo, if for some reason their shirt fails to do what it is supposed to do.... then they are allowed to keep the photo taken at the top of the ride (when the ride seat stops, but nothing else, including your own seat, does....)

They CLOSE Mc'D's and replace it with In and Out... (My real dream for DCA)

As for Golden Dreams...They should have built the Circle of Friends in the First place, and who wants to see Whoopie without her shirt?????

As for the Jungle Jim area.... well, College kids have figured out fun in the past......

As for the Rafts, I still see late night commercials selling the videos of girls riding them.... it is amazing how the guys with hoses ONLY hit the women ;)

As for Soarin', they placed monitors with the Jerry Springer Show as entertainiment while standing in the Queue, this ride is now TWICE as popular....

As for the parades, they have switched to a Marti Gras format, with parade floats and LOTS of Beads....


The company is overwhelmed by the additional sales of Jello Shooters, Jagermeister, BEER and more BEER, though sells of female clothing are not as strong before the conversion....

The NEW Disney College Adventure is a HIT!!!!

Nigel2
03-02-2002, 12:18 AM
Originally posted by Darkbeer

As for Golden Dreams...They should have built the Circle of Friends in the First place, and who wants to see Whoopie without her shirt?????



:eek: Just:eek:

Why do I have a feeling the Kenedys would frequent this place daily.:D

BiggJakeMoney
03-02-2002, 12:28 AM
I like it, Darkbeer, I like it a lot. Eventually though, the alchohic stupor and rage experienced by the juvenile inebriates would spill over the esplanade and into Disneyland, where they would promptly travel over to "It's a Small World," board the ride, and engage in the most destructive, animalistic, and depraved act of violence you've ever seen. Small arms, legs, torsos, and heads of senselessly mutilated dolls would be littered all about the building, scenery would be stained by college juniors and seniors as there are no availabe bathroom facilities in there, and the trough would become one long giant swimming pool for a bunch of half-naked co-eds.

Hmmmmm.............................BRING ON THE BOOZE!!!


-BJM

Nigel2
03-02-2002, 12:30 AM
Plus any act of violence that may help stop that song always helps.:D

BiggJakeMoney
03-02-2002, 12:41 AM
No no, Nigel.....the song never stops. It just keeps going. And going. And going. A thousand scores of drunken frat partiers coudn't stop that song. A derailed Amtrak careening through the building at ear-shattering speeds coudn't stop that song. NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST COULD NOT STOP THAT SONG.

It's sad but true. That song will be around for many millenia after we have shuffled off this mortal coil.


-BJM

Nigel2
03-02-2002, 12:42 AM
Well if you short out the speakers...:D

Darkbeer
03-02-2002, 12:46 AM
Alas, Rush Limbaugh, who lost his hearing, and had to get a Cocular(sp?) Implant still can hear that SONG over and over again.... Blind or Deaf..... which one would you want, at least if you are blind, you can give an excuse for your hands ;)

(Sorry bad joke, no offense to those in the real-life situation)

Nigel2
03-02-2002, 12:46 AM
Who cares as the book says "Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot". Plus it isn't like he listens to the people that call in anyway :D

Hey I have a change for SSL, put an actual hooker in place of Cindy, and for 5 bucks she does something interesting.:D

BiggJakeMoney
03-02-2002, 12:52 AM
Oh lordy, Nigel, I dare not venture into the inner sanctum of your mind. It is funny, though.....

Darkbeer: Hehehehehe..........very funny. It's true though, nothing will stop that song. Short the speakers if you want, it won't do any good. In fact, the music would probably get angry and vengeful, and play even louder.

It does have a mind of it's own, you know......



-BJM

Nigel2
03-02-2002, 12:55 AM
I don't recomend trying to understand me without using some sort of "assisiting" substance.:D

What if we burned down the ride with all those screaming children inside. Then they could all be free to go onto the next plane.:D

BTW I am going nuts since you are the only person posting (heck now there are only 3 people all togehter anyway)

Darkbeer
03-02-2002, 12:58 AM
I remember an old thread, where we talked about "headsets" and having different versions....

Rock and Roll
Country
Jazz
Etc....

Just like the airplane, pick which channel you want to listen to why go through the Air Conditioning.... Oops, I meant the silly puppets....

Darkbeer
03-02-2002, 12:59 AM
How about the record for the most posts recordered in the least time on Mouse Planet?????

Nigel2
03-02-2002, 12:59 AM
I think I need sleep because I have no idea what he just said.:D

BiggJakeMoney
03-02-2002, 01:00 AM
Hey Nige, you know what? It's late, I'm not tired, so we'll be nuts together.

Following that, what if the next plane of existence is that of the human mind? The children.......dear god......the children would take up residence in our heads, and then the song would be present FOR THE DURATION OF OUR DAYS......

I....I can't deal with that. I'm starting to convulse......dear, sweet unconciousness, embrace me, and take me away from the children.....


-BJM

Nigel2
03-02-2002, 01:00 AM
nope, that was already done with threads in the lounge.

Nigel2
03-02-2002, 01:01 AM
I can't wait for others to try and comprehend what we are trying to say.:D

Nigel2
03-02-2002, 01:02 AM
If the children try to take up residence in my mind they will wish they only perished in the fire.:D

BiggJakeMoney
03-02-2002, 01:04 AM
Kay, here goes....

On the train I witnessed a stagecoach going for the Golden Eatery while I masticated some rhubarb and ate the distinct piney smell of the tomb of Brigham Young.

Figure THAT one out.....


-BJM

Nigel2
03-02-2002, 01:07 AM
A framed sheet of money became tilted in the frame and now the entire room looks like it is tilted.

Darkbeer
03-02-2002, 01:07 AM
Children, protect the children....

Keep them away from my Michelob Amber Bcok......

When does the Universal Studios Tour open today????

Nigel2
03-02-2002, 01:08 AM
Look out we got a watcher...:D

Who cares, if you have beer that is all that matters.:D

BiggJakeMoney
03-02-2002, 01:10 AM
9:62 GM is when it opens, Darkbeer.

Incidentally, I just caught a Michael Jackson in my pond and he gave me the gout. Darn him.


-BJMMBFJMBJMMBM

Darkbeer
03-02-2002, 01:10 AM
You can go to www.westcoaster.net and rate how warped I am....

Nigel2
03-02-2002, 01:11 AM
I think the number under my name tells how warped I am.:D

Look andy I got a train.:D

BiggJakeMoney
03-02-2002, 01:12 AM
You may be warped, but I'm SKEWED, dude, and that's way more........skewed than being warped, I guess.

Hehehe.....haha......mmmphphhpmmphmmm......



-PIG