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Thread: Out of Control Parenting in the Parks, What I witnessed

  1. #1

    Out of Control Parenting in the Parks, What I witnessed

    Ok, as I write this we are still on vacation in the parks of Disneyland and California Adventure.

    This all happened within two consecutive days. Had to write it now so I would not forget.

    While waiting in line to watch World of Color, I watched as a parent became extremely frightened for the lady turned around and her daughter was missing. My family and I heard her calling for about ten minutes. She was not close to me in the line so all we could do was pray that she went to find a cast member and get help. We always try to help when we can. Felt really bad for the lady. Wish she would have held onto her daughters hand the whole time.

    Ok, situation #2 standing in line for the Casey train in Disneyland. The lady from most likely Japan was watching her little ones, I mean really little ones from several feet away while in line. The line began to move and she let the little ones just keep playing. At the same time she would not look at the children. AAHHHH!!! The line moved some more and she was about 35 feet away and the line kept moving. All I could think of was someone picking up the very little girl and taking the child away. So, I picked up the little one and said "excuse me" to the other people in line so I could hand the very little one to the mother. I preceeded to tell her that she needed to watch her children so no one could take them away.

    Situation #3, The alice in wonderland ride broke down for a few minutes and people were stuck for about 10-15 min. Well, as we just decided to wait in line, we saw two kids around 10-12 get off the ride and wait for their parents who decided to stay on the ride until they got it running. I had to parent their kids for the boy was picking up stuff and his hands were under the wheels of the ride. AAAHHHHH!!! I had to tell the boy several times to stay away from the track and stay behind the yellow line. All we could think of was the ride would start and the boys hand would get caught under the wheel and track then get hurt. Oh yeah, then the boy and the girl began throwing little round things from the tree that dropped on the ground at the ride. The cast member politely asked them to stop. Did the kids stop no way. Oh, not quite done yet. Then when the parents got down to the exit, the wife said, " I want free fastpasses now". Ok, my husband and I just looked at each other and shook our heads.

    Situation #4, while at the thunder ranch coloring pages with our kids this little child began to scream and cry it's head off. Then the child proceeded to kick it's mother and this went on for 10 minutes. My husband told me to mind my own business. Well, there were two other families there and they just looked at the parents wanting to say " Control your child!!".

    I guess this bit of venting is to say, people need to be more aware of what their lack of parenting is doing to others around them in the park. My advice is; Please be respectful to the other families in the parks, if your child is throwing a huge fit, get them under control. Watch your children, they could be hurt or taken from you forever.

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  3. #2
    "Gouging" is a four-letter word The Mouse Is Back's Avatar
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    Oh, man. People need to take a test to get a driver's license, but any fool can have children.

    I won't go into what my reactions have been in similar situations, but since when do businesses allow kids (and I'm including teens and college age kids) to run amock and make things miserable for paying customers, or look the other way when "adults" are neglecting their responsibilities for their demon spawn? If the CMs are unwilling to speak to either the kids or the parents, they need to go to a lead and report the behavior. Not speaking about every CM here, but I've experienced countless scenarios where CMs are looking directly at kids running, skating into guests on their Wheelies (the skate shoe things), screaming loudly in unison on rides directly into the ears of other guests, etc. etc. No one wants to say anything for fear of offending someone's delicate sensibilities and risking a frivolous lawsuit.

    This might belong in the parenting section, but trip planners should probably also beware that they'll experience at DLR the same awful non-parenting and children who are apparently being raised by wolverines as they do at their neighborhood Target or Denny's (just for example).

    I feel ya.


    Ally

    P.S. My daughter is autistic (full syndrome), and she's expected to behave as well as she can - she has good manners, not always completely appropriate social behavior, but she knows she'd suffer the consequences if she acted the way some of these kids do. If SHE can step up, there's no excuse!


  4. #3
    "Gouging" is a four-letter word The Mouse Is Back's Avatar
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    Just to clarify - I'm not picking on all CMs, or just DLR as a place where I think businesses have become overly timid about dealing with problem customers (or "guests"). The behavior just gets worse and worse, and I'm just pointing out the obvious, that when it's enabled by accommodation, or even apology, it's never going to get any better, it will just escalate further. I mention CMs only because the OP was about problems at DLR so the reply was thread-specific. It's everywhere.

    I'm not sure I even know the answer, I just know we're in a handbasket...and you know where THAT leads.


    Ally


  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Mouse Is Back View Post
    Just to clarify - I'm not picking on all CMs, or just DLR as a place where I think businesses have become overly timid about dealing with problem customers (or "guests"). The behavior just gets worse and worse, and I'm just pointing out the obvious, that when it's enabled by accommodation, or even apology, it's never going to get any better, it will just escalate further.
    I TOTALLY agree. It's like this new legislation for the ADA that is supposed to crack down on people bringing their pink poodles and toy dogs out in public and claiming that they're support dogs so that businesses "have to" allow them.

    It's not going to work as long as any business (or any employee) refuses to confront their guests/clients and say "Hey, you can't have that dog here" and not cater to the bad behavior that ensues.

    Adrienne
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    Registered User Rockchalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by familymemories View Post


    Situation #4, while at the thunder ranch coloring pages with our kids this little child began to scream and cry it's head off. Then the child proceeded to kick it's mother and this went on for 10 minutes. My husband told me to mind my own business. Well, there were two other families there and they just looked at the parents wanting to say " Control your child!!".

    I guess this bit of venting is to say, people need to be more aware of what their lack of parenting is doing to others around them in the park. My advice is; Please be respectful to the other families in the parks, if your child is throwing a huge fit, get them under control. Watch your children, they could be hurt or taken from you forever.
    As much as I agree with your other thoughts, can you clarify this? How are you recommending they get the child under control? Spank them? Yell at them? Bribe them? Can you imagine the uproar if a parent started smacking their kid around because the child has a meltdown that inconveniences you or me????

    Most parents I know, and including me, have been in the same tantrum meltdown at one time or another and are sympathic to the situation rather than question their lack of parenting skills.

    I agree with your husband.
    “A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerated the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable.” Billy Graham

  7. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Rockchalker View Post
    As much as I agree with your other thoughts, can you clarify this? How are you recommending they get the child under control? Spank them? Yell at them? Bribe them? Can you imagine the uproar if a parent started smacking their kid around because the child has a meltdown that inconveniences you or me????

    Most parents I know, and including me, have been in the same tantrum meltdown at one time or another and are sympathic to the situation rather than question their lack of parenting skills.

    I agree with your husband.
    As a parent of children who went into meltdown tantrum mode the first day of our first trip with kids to DL, I try not to be so quick to judge when I see parents with a kid throwing a tantrum. Heat, lack of sleep, excitement all can throw the best behaved kids into tantrum mode. I tend to feel sympathetic for the parents more than anything in these cases.

    We were in Frontierland when my kids had a meltdown. My sister and I did all we could at that point and packed both kids in strollers and headed back to the hotel for a "timeout" and a nap. I heard MANY snarky comments as we walked from Frontierland back to the hotel with my kids screaming the whole way. It was VERY VERY embarrassing. I almost broke down in tears when a lady came up to me and said something along the lines of, "I remember my kids having days like this too and how it felt to make that walk out of the park. A lot of people you just walked past have dealt with the same thing and know how you feel, just ignore those people who are being rude." It made me feel so much better to hear someone with some sympathy, rather than criticism.

    So I too have to say I agree with your husband on that one

  8. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by itsKim View Post
    As a parent of children who went into meltdown tantrum mode the first day of our first trip with kids to DL, I try not to be so quick to judge when I see parents with a kid throwing a tantrum. Heat, lack of sleep, excitement all can throw the best behaved kids into tantrum mode. I tend to feel sympathetic for the parents more than anything in these cases.

    We were in Frontierland when my kids had a meltdown. My sister and I did all we could at that point and packed both kids in strollers and headed back to the hotel for a "timeout" and a nap. I heard MANY snarky comments as we walked from Frontierland back to the hotel with my kids screaming the whole way. It was VERY VERY embarrassing. I almost broke down in tears when a lady came up to me and said something along the lines of, "I remember my kids having days like this too and how it felt to make that walk out of the park. A lot of people you just walked past have dealt with the same thing and know how you feel, just ignore those people who are being rude." It made me feel so much better to hear someone with some sympathy, rather than criticism.

    So I too have to say I agree with your husband on that one
    I'm glad someone was kind enough to give you those words of encouragement. As a parent I feel judged if my kids act up whether its bad behavior or more likely bad circumstances. And there are those that'll make the case that "a good parent would stop those circumstances (heat, hunger, exhaustion) before they start" but Disney is not a normal situation for anyone. Those triggers can't always be foreseen in time to prevent. I have given my share of empathetic looks to parents dealing with a meltdown, but next time I'll remember your story and make sure to verbalize my empathy to those parents.
    Last edited by 3Princesses1Prince; 10-26-2010 at 09:23 AM. Reason: typo
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  9. #8
    Registered User jenpace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by itsKim View Post
    So I too have to say I agree with your husband on that one
    Me three....I think you need to spend a little less time judging other peoples' parenting. I'm assuming it's not just a DL preoccupation for you.

  10. #9

    The fact is that no matter how great of a parent you may be, that you are not a God and it is beyond your ability to control everything and everyone in every given situation. My son is 10 and autistic and while we have never had a meltdown at Disney (in fact, it has a calming effect on him--to the point that it's almost like having a different child), we have had public meltdowns and it is awful. Being non-verbal, he can get upset and not be able to communicate what the problem is. That being said he looks like a perfectly normal boy and therefore stranger can often make the mistake of thinking that he is just a brat. It's very upsetting that people judge others without necessarily knowing all the circumstances.

    On a side note: On our last trip after a long day, my son and I took the Friendship boat from Epcot to DHS and my son was stimming quite a bit. I'm past being embarrassed when this happens, so I don't notice peoples reactions and just concentrate on diffusing the situation. When we disembarked at the studios, another mother came up to me with her grown autistic daughter and complimented me on how well I was doing with my son. I can honestly say that it felt really good to know that not everyone who encounters us is judging us badly. That one compliment has got me through quite a few snarky comments.


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  11. #10

    Tantrums happen...and I try to NOT give into my child's tantrum. Then I am reinforcing that behavior.

    And lost kids happen all of the time, even under the most watchful eyes.


  12. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by itsKim View Post
    I almost broke down in tears when a lady came up to me and said something along the lines of, "I remember my kids having days like this too and how it felt to make that walk out of the park. A lot of people you just walked past have dealt with the same thing and know how you feel, just ignore those people who are being rude." It made me feel so much better to hear someone with some sympathy, rather than criticism.
    Unless they're standing around yelling at the kids and making it worse, I always feel so bad for the parents when a child is having a meltdown especially when nothing they do is working.

    A few trips ago, there was a mom dealing with a really upset child in the NOS Train Station bathroom. It sounded like something may have gotten into the child's eye because one second she was fine and the next, the poor little girl was absolutely INCONSOLABLE. The mom couldn't get the little girl to tell her what was wrong, she was just... screaming. I made some comments to the mom '"You're doing a great job, Mom," kind of things, because I just couldn't believe how well she was staying calm. I felt totally condescending, though and worried that she was just thinking "Get out of my way woman, I don't need your pity." Now. She didn't do a THING to make me feel that way, that was my own paranoia, lol. But I just wished I could DO something or had magic words for her. I'm going to try to remember the "A lot of people around here have dealt with the same thing and know how you feel so just ignore the rude ones."

    Adrienne
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  13. #12
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    I have two very active preschool aged boys. I know meltdowns. I know meltdowns at Disneyland too well. They happen. Kids get tired, hot, overstimulated and they don't know how to express themselves any other way. I do feel bad for parents who are trying to cope with a child who is seemingly inconsolable or has reached their maximum capacity for listening and cooperation. I've had to leave the park many-a-times for nap breaks or to just go home all together if we aren't staying the night.

    It's easy to sit on the sidelines and judge. Good for you for having children that don't ever misbehave or get tired in public, because those situations are no fun for the kid or the parent. I can assure you that tired children are hardly a product of bad parenting. Screaming back at them or hitting them, that's an entirely different story.

    Perhaps next time you will take your husbands advice.

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  14. #13

    I think it's ironic when people tell other people not to be "judgmental", while at the same time communicating their own "judgment" on the supposed "judger".

    That said, I see several sides to this topic.

    1) The OP has a point. I've seen many, many out of control kids AND parents at DL. During our last trip, we even made a game of it (between ourselves) and quietly tallied the number of screaming fits we heard in a single day. We never commented to the parents about this though. We're too intimidated to do that because I've seen others try to comment only to be viciously turned on by the screaming child's parents.

    2) DL is certainly not the only place where this type of thing happens. There are child/parent meltdowns all over the place; grocery store, street, etc. There is no shortage of demonstrations of poor behavior. It seems that parents are less capable/interested/willing/etc, to discipline their children and often appears these folks are content to let the meltdown occur regardless of where or how it takes place.

    3) I think it would be easy for a kid to have a meltdown after a full day of stimulation, junk food, and tons of walking they may not be used to. DL is overwhelming for ME (all in a good way though). I have often wondered how it would be for a child.

    4) I am about the least tolerant person I know for enduring a kid-parent meltdown. However, I give both kids and parents a pass when I'm at DL because I think the massive stimulation there makes for an unusual environment and could contribute to unusual behavior.

    So, I agree that SOME parents should do a better job of handling their children's poor behavior. SOME parents clearly don't give a hoot and never will. SOME parents are the hapless victims of a long, excitable day and deserve our patience and empathy when their otherwise well-behaved kid goes berserk on them in the middle of DL park.

    Wishing upon a star...

  15. #14
    True HEARTed! Crazy4DL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goofy4Goofy View Post

    . During our last trip, we even made a game of it (between ourselves) and quietly tallied the number of screaming fits we heard in a single day. We never commented to the parents about this though.
    I don't know, but that "game" seems like a very sad why to be spending time anywhere, let alone at the HPOE.

    From my experience, I find most parents are trying to do their best.

    OP, good for you for telling the kids to stay back from the tracks at Alice.

  16. #15
    It was a good day! Malcon10t's Avatar
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    I work hard not to judge. I've been in the shoes of the parent. I agree there are a few parents who don't look out for the best interest of their child. But in most cases, I think parents do work hard. It is just the few that don't really stand out. I know I have been at the point where I swore I was going to break with the kids, and had a little old lady come up and tell me what a beautiful family I had and how I should be proud of them. It made a major difference that day, and in the future!!!

    Just like teens in wheelchairs, older kids in strollers, etc... I tend to try not to judge and remember there are many reasons melt downs/fits/tantrums/ happen, that Disneyland can be overly stimulating, and it can change your parenting. You may not be used to public meltdowns, you may learn new things about your child (a few know about what I learned about MDM at Disneyland!) and what works at home may not work at Disneyland.

    Planning 3 trips at once...

  17. #16
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  18. #17

    When you go anywhere that has a naturally high concentration of families and children in attendance (like, um, Disneyland) you are going to see tears, owies, tantrums, meltdowns, bad behavior, bad parenting, bad days, etc. etc. It comes with the territory. Roll with it. You can't control how other people handle things, only how you handle YOUR parenting and YOUR children. And - even the most ideal parenting cannot prevent an issue from popping up. Like a PP said - how unpleasant to be judged while you appropriately handle a tantrum by walking the child out of the park. What, are you supposed to just teleport out?

    How about you do a little less judging and a little more minding your own business? I imagine you will have a lot more fun that way!


  19. #18
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    Hopefully you are not telling the OP to mind her own business? Just people in general? Those kids could have been seriously hurt had she not said something.

    My middle son when he was younger would get meltdownish if his schedule was thrown off and then add heat in the summer to the mix and well it made us both grumpy. He is 14 now and much better and can communicate much better when he needs a break, a snack whatever.

    I remember two things I have seen that will stick in my mind:

    1. In WDW in 2008, there was a mom and her 3 or 4 year old DD in line to see Princesses. Well this little girl had had enough, tired, hot whatever and was acting up. She actually slapped her mom across the face twice, while mom was trying to solve her dilemma. Now I felt so bad for this mom, but was surprised she did not get out of line to calm her DD down. She teared up a bit and I wish I could have said something helpful.

    2. In Oct. 2008 (something about that year), my DS and I were in DL and there was a dad walking past HM with his young son who was screaming. He had his son upside down over shoulder and was holding him by the feet! Now that is bad parenting! There are many ways to deal with kids and really that is not one of them.

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  20. #19

    I meant, in general. OP seemed like she is spending her time at the park mentally making lists of what others are doing wrong. IMHO, there are far better ways to enjoy disneyland but I guess, to each his own!

    I would only interfere with someone else's child if it was an immediate safety issue.


  21. #20
    Registered User houseofmouse's Avatar
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    Good to know.

    I don't go looking for it either, but sometimes it just is there in your face.

    Have a Disney Day!
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  22. #21

    Unhappy

    I don't think its fair to judge any parent whose child is having a meltdown, especially in a place like Disneyland. We've all been there, we've all experienced the tantrums. You cannot judge(nor should you)a persons parenting skills in 15 minutes at an amusement park.Nobody knows the situation except the parents. Everyone, including adults, have good days and bad days. I've seen people make rude comments to parents whose child is kicking and screaming on the floor of a mall...I'd like to think those people do not have children of their own therefore are ignorant to the situation.Personally I don't know of any parent who hasn't been through at least a few tantrums with their kids. It has nothing to do with "getting control of your child". I have 4 children, all of whom have had a tantrum or 2 in their young lives. Each one was consolable in a different way. My girls were easy to console, and the tantrums were easily diverted and short lived. My boys on the other hand...not so much! I'm not saying there arent bad parents out there whose children are unruly due to the lack of parenting, but I don't think seeing someone you don't know and judging them by what you seeing 15 minutes, isn't really all that fair


  23. #22

    I have two boys with autism, ages 12 and 15. The 12 year old is completely non-verbal. We have had our moments too, no doubt about it. But I agree with the OP that it is amazing how many parents of little kids don't watch them. Part of it for me is that my youngest used to be a runner, I mean he would push a screen out a window and jump out and would take off running withouth the slightest fear whatsoever. So I am hyper vigilant on safety issues. And SO many times at the parks lately I see the parents marching along without a care in the world, while the toddler follows BEHIND! OYE, I about have a heart attack watching. I've never said anything, but I find it hard to take my eyes off of the tot untill the parents notice that they haven't seen junior in a while and turn around to see if he is still there! I still have that urge to take off running to 'catch a kid in danger' thing going on, I have to keep telling myself that that is NOT my job! But it is a hard feeling to shake!

    And when we are at the hotel and my youngest wants to go down the water slide a million times, I always go with him and make sure he doesn't cut in line and acts appropriately - no pushing ect. But most of the other kids are cutting in line, running, pushing, etc. But with me being there that seems to discourage some of the other kids just a bit. But I never see any of the other parents telling their kids to not run or not to cut line or anything. Not judging, that is just the way it is. They are on vacation and are firmly planted on a lounge chair. Unless there is a major problem, they AIN'T getting up for NOTHIN' I just tell my son in a voice lound enough for the other kids to hear "WE will be following the rules". "The sign says NO running".


  24. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by Crazy4DL View Post
    I don't know, but that "game" seems like a very sad why to be spending time anywhere, let alone at the HPOE.
    To clarify, we weren't actively spending time 'looking' for tantruming children. There were just so many that we couldn't help but notice them. Instead of being offended or upset by this we decided to make it somewhat of a game, in a good-humoured way. This did not make us "sad". A shame it makes you sad.
    Wishing upon a star...

  25. #24
    Registered User jenpace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goofy4Goofy View Post
    To clarify, we weren't actively spending time 'looking' for tantruming children. There were just so many that we couldn't help but notice them. Instead of being offended or upset by this we decided to make it somewhat of a game, in a good-humoured way. This did not make us "sad". A shame it makes you sad.
    I don't know.... When I read your post where you talked about making a private "game" out of kids in the parks having meltdowns I kinda thought it was sad that someone would find a way to make a fun game out of it. So there's more than one of us who saw it that way...

  26. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by Rockchalker View Post
    As much as I agree with your other thoughts, can you clarify this? How are you recommending they get the child under control? Spank them? Yell at them? Bribe them? Can you imagine the uproar if a parent started smacking their kid around because the child has a meltdown that inconveniences you or me????

    Most parents I know, and including me, have been in the same tantrum meltdown at one time or another and are sympathic to the situation rather than question their lack of parenting skills.

    I agree with your husband.
    Look, I am not saying to spank them, yell or bribe them. The lady could have taken her child to the bathroom and tried to calm the child down. Going on for 10 min is a bit crazy. That is just my opinion.
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