We will be heading to DLR area from Oct 12-21. we are very excited. We are planning several days at DLR plus SeaWorld, Universal and Medeival Times.

One problem we have with our dear 6 year old son is a case of the wants. He wants everything. We hate taking him to shops because he is such a pain and throws fits all the time. As many attraction exits end in gift shops what stategies have other parents used to control their kids around the shops?

When our daughter was young we told her that we would buy any souvenirs the last day and she should look throughout the week and keep track of a couple favorites. Any other ideas would be appreciated.

Before you even get there, set the rules. For example when you go to a gift shop, tell him he can have two item under $20 (or something similar), and that's it. Tell him he can choose anything under those parameters, but nothing more. If he has agreed to those terms help him choose. This way, he knows his boundaries before he gets there. You can even do rewards like start with $10 and for each ride you go on, and he is well behaved, you can add $1 to the total. If he has a fit, you drop a dollar. No discussion, no arguing, just do it, and that's it. He will learn he can't get his way, and will calm down.

When our son was 8, I had him earn "Disney Dollars". I made up little slips of paper that said "good for one disney dollar". I explained to him that this would be his money to spend on whatever he wanted at Disneyland. We helped him budget (one large item, then one small thing a day). We exchanged the disney dollar slips for real disney dollars, and when they were gone, they were gone. I think we bought him one other thing, but we told him way ahead that his "gift" was going to Disneyland, and his "souveniers" were all the pictures we took. It all worked well with one catch: He HATED the Disney dollars so much he cried. I had to exchange it back to "real" money, which he then used to buy some fun stuff and some junk, all his choice with just some guidance.

I'd also be prepared for the fact that there are vendors everywhere, and make it clear that you'll only be shopping x times per day or stay. Then, DON'T bend the rules.

Good luck!

My kids have quickly learned that any kind of fit or tantrum results in an absolute NO. No way, nada. Even if there had been a chance, or I'd said okay for later...any fit they throw will negate that privilige.

They are free to spend their own money, but will not be given more because they "ran out". I've seen the way my dh handles money, and not going to let that happen to them!!!

When we run into something hard like a lot of shopping; a small notebook and pen to take down a wishlist works wonders. My littlest had trouble understanding the concept of later for a while, but by writing it down she understood that I'd heard and was respecting her desires, and that later we could refer back to the list. The only catch is that you do need to follow up and you need to stick with it.

Throwing in a line about "not being able to love that many toys the way they need to be cared for" helps my girls. Not sure if boys tend to give their possessions the same emotional attachments as girls do or not, but its worth a shot. I think my youngest was three when she told me she hoped the little girl who got the stuffed animal she liked would love it the way it deserved! LOL

We give our daughters a set amount of money. We have done that since they were little. When the money is spent, that's it. No more souvenirs. I also give them opportunities to earn more money. I put a list of chores on the fridge that are outside their normal chores. For example, Wash the car........$2; Clean a bathroom from top to bottom.......$4. They earn extra money, I get extra help.

Then, I let them choose when and where they want to spend their money. I might hold it for them but now that they are older, they both have their own wallets.

Kids need ground rules at all times! Parents need to enforce those rules at all times!

Fits or tantrums should never be tolerated especially in public. I have to share this. On our last trip Feb 06 we were sitting over across from the Monorail Station in Tomarrowland at the Tomarrowland Terrace. Two girls, sisters, got in a fist fight while mom stood there and did nothing. We saw these girls again the next day at DCA in line at Monsters Inc. They were awful, their mother had no control over them at all, they definately were running the show.

Our rule for throwing fits or tantrums. Its simple, straight back to the hotel for them. I also use to remind my kids that the hotels had babysitting services and mom and dad will be returning to the parks without them. So we never really had the fit or tantrum problem.

Spending money. Never to early to start learning about money. We had a set amount for each day and they had to stay in that amount.

We hate taking him to shops because he is such a pain and throws fits all the time.

It's hard for me to relate, Darren, as "fits' were just not a part of our childhood. Dad was in no way mean, but we knew when he shot us "that look" that it was time to settle down. And on those rare occasions where my brothers & I didn't get the hint, either Dad or Mom would firmly take us outside of whatever venue we were in (church, store, whatevr) and make sure we understood to KNOCK IT OFF! No real violence or spanking at that time, just a very real threat that we knew they were fully prepared to carry out. Worked every time - we straightened up!

I agree with the other posts. Set ground rules ahead of time and if he throws a fit leave the store and don't give in. You could go through some practice trips if he is difficult to take to a grocery store or local toy store. This will help him establish the fact that you mean business. Good Luck!

My strategy is to tell him first thing that we are not buying ANYTHING on the first x number of days. He can keep a list of all of the things he likes and on the last day (or whichever day you decide upon) he can choose a set number of items from the list or a certain dollar amount. If he balks at the rules I tell him that he won't be getting anything at all on our shopping day if he can't behave politely.

It is tough as when the day gets long it can be hard to manage a four year old. We avoid the shops whenever we can late in the evening as that is when the breakdowns happen as she is tired.

The hardest is the lightup device peddlers in the evening that sell all the light up toys. We combat this by bringing a lightup wand from a previous trip and breaking it out. That does the trick. I bought a few of the 50th ones at the Disneyland outlet store for a few dollars and we keep one in the car just for Disneyland visits.

As mentioned, setting the rules upfront help the situation. But when a child is tired it may not take much to set them off.

The hardest is the lightup device peddlers in the evening that sell all the light up toys. We combat this by bringing a lightup wand from a previous trip and breaking it out. That does the trick. I bought a few of the 50th ones at the Disneyland outlet store for a few dollars and we keep one in the car just for Disneyland visits.

I have to admit, even I am a sucker for the light up spinny toys at Parade Time! :cool:

I take my nieces four or five times a year. For each visit (not day) I give them $25 Disney Dollars each. They can spend it on anything they want, but that is all I give them. If they do not spend it all, it gets saved until the next visit. I started this when they were 6 and 8 and have been doing it for the last 7 years. Guess it is time to raise the amount, huh?

(I also buy one shirt per season, but that is not in the "allowance.")

My strategy is to tell him first thing that we are not buying ANYTHING on the first x number of days. He can keep a list of all of the things he likes and on the last day (or whichever day you decide upon) he can choose a set number of items from the list or a certain dollar amount. If he balks at the rules I tell him that he won't be getting anything at all on our shopping day if he can't behave politely.


We do this same exact thing. We tell the kids that while we are in Disneyland, it is time to look at everything, so they make sure they get exactly what they want. We only let them pick one thing on the last day. (Don't worry, they still go to Build a Bear, get light up toys for the night time parade, and get autograph books) Everytime they start asking for something before it is time to shop, we remind them that there might be something they haven't seen yet. This keeps us on track with the budget we want to spend and keeps the kids from asking us for every little thing!!!

We have been taking our son for years. He is 8 now. First rule always is this......you cannot buy anything in Disneyland that can be found at home (this includes things he could find at the Disney stores in the malls). He also is given a $$ limit for each day and a dollar limit for Downtown Disney (this could be Build a Bear, Lego, etc). He has never, ever thrown a fit in the store. He knows that the minute one is started, he will be picked up and taken straight back to the hotel room to cool down. He has been going to Disneyland since he was 1.5. He knows how to behave and how not to behave in such a crowded place. It is hard sometimes, but in order to keep everyone happy and safe rules have to be in place.

It is hard not to derail this thread into a parenting forum. I read the opening post and began thinking of the stores, restaurants, movie theaters and theme parks where I've seen unruly children who were loud, crying and throwing fits. Children are children and will occasionally lose their cool like this, but quick and decisive action by the parents is generally the most effective way to diffuse the situation.

This, of course, starts at home. If the kids have run of the house and get away with this behavior at home, you can't expect them to behave in a socially acceptable way when you add the whole scenario of excitement and bounty at a theme park designed to exhilerate them.

I have always believed in making my kids behave with restraint. I don't enjoy having other people's children making a scene in public places, so I made sure my kids knew that good behavior was a must when we went out somewhere. I didn't accept much in the way of tantrum behavior at home either. If they knew what I expected (and we did discuss this before we went) then they knew their own actions led to the consequences like cessation of the enjoyable activity immediately or the loss of favorite things later at home.

All of the suggestions so far are good one in relation to curbing the activity by setting limits or saving buying time until the last day, etc. But this will only work if the kids understand the concept of limits and acceptable behavior in their everyday lives too.

One thing you can do NOW to prepare, is start taking him to stores where he WILL want things. Plan to buy something SMALL - ONLY IF behaves well. Go to a store that has things that YOU need to buy and will have stuff HE likes as well.

Explain to him that at the END of our shopping, IF he has behaved well, he will get to choose ONE small toy that is under $3.00 (or whatever limit you set). Of course, you will need to tell him what you consider well behaved. When I take my boys out, I usually use a reward for good behavior. Sometimes it's a little toy, sometimes it's a lunchable (they LOVE those, but don't get them often), sometimes it's a cookie or some other treat...I tell them, "Ok boys, you need to listen to mommy while we're here. If you do a good job listening then you'll get xxx when we're all done." So when they begin to act up a little, I remind them, "Remember, if you want xxx, you need to listen. I told you not to touch those." That usually works. And sometimes it doesn't, and when we leave the store, they don't get their treat (but I still get mine - cuz that reinforces even more that they didn't get theirs b/c they didn't listen). Sometimes one will get their treat, and one won't.

I had one MAJOR MELTDOWN at the store once...BOTH of them - freaking out, crying...so I put them both in the cart (they're 3 & 5), and my five year old grabbed something off the shelf and threw it!! It landed by someone's feet - thankfully it wasn't breakable. Now, I had to push them around the store screaming while I got the things that I needed. People looked at me. Then when I got everything that I needed (I was speed shopping - would have loved to have just left, but I NEEDED a few things) - I went to the candy aisle and proceeded to pick out a treat for ME. They did get MORE upset, but I calmly told them both that if they would not get a treat because of the way they are acting, but that mommy still gets her treat. They started crying more. We went and checked out (and the cashier offered them some candy - probably to shut them up), but I said, nope, sorry, they're not listening, so they don't get a treat. Then we left. They were very upset that they didn't get anything. Now, when we got to the car, my five year old got a spanking for throwing something. And when we came back home, daddy came home for lunch and talked to them about what they did. Then they took a long nap!

Anyway, all that to say, it doesn't always work...kids are kids and they're gonna have days that are bad. But if you start doing some of those "tests" now, you might have an easier time at DL. And boy are those shops HARD!! We're going to go to the Warehouse outlet coming near here before we go (it opens SIX days before we leave)...so we're going to secretly buy some stuff for them for while we're there - each day they'll get a little surprise. But they'll still get a couple of small things while we're there...Elijah (my five year old) is already talking about the light up Mickey that spins...Now I'd be in GREAT shape if I could find our old ones and replace the batteries before we go and hide them in the suitcase!

I don't know if I can articulate this correctly or not but I'll try.
As we all know the kids are ALL about ME. (uh them)

I taught mine at a very early age that it's also about ME too. (Their dad). I wasn't dead. I hadn't given up life! I get treats too! I enjoy Disneyland too!

So the day in the park was for them AND Me. I would help them have their best day if they would help me have fun as well. We each get our favorite rides...We each get a special treat and would they please help me pick out mine. During the day please be looking for things old dad might like too so at the end of the Disneyland day WE go shopping!!! And it's ME first (Dad) because I'm always well behaved (haha).

The other thing in the house I made sure there were lines drawn. These are MY things, I keep them here. Those are YOUR things you keep them there. I will not mess with your things, if you don't mess with mine. And these are OUR things and they must be for all of us so be careful.

They also learned about petty screaming and throwing fits. It was better not to bring the issue to my attention in that way...because my reaction was usually much more in their face than they intended when vying for that atention and nobody, neither of them, was a winner..ever. They learned not to get in my head and I wont get in their face and give LONG time outs in their rooms. (realy boring). It was a chohesive plan and it worked well. Above all it taught them that there are OTHER people in their immediate vicinity who also have lives besides their own. Mine Mine Mine Me Me Me...NOT! It worked.

I have to caution a bit with the idea of giving him a set amount of money. Money is a rather abstract concept to a 6-y/o.

I do agree about "Wait until the last day" to buy a prize or spend any money you give him. He'll spend it all fast and be begging for more, which defeats the purpose of giving him money.

As for tanturms: Don't. Give. In. I've had a kid who tantrumed. The key was to be consistent and not give in. The problem is that everyone sees the kid and I felt like everyone was staring at me and judging me. Oh. Well. Let them. When I didn't give in, the tantrums went away. It wasn't instantaneous, but it worked over time. From the time they were babies, they could look at toys and things in the store but if we weren't taking it home, I would say "Say bye-bye to the toy/bottle of bubble bath/shirt." Sometimes they tantrumed but they learned it didn't work.

And, as others have suggested, do it now.

One day I was at Target and a child was crying. The mother gave him a toy to keep him happy, not intending to let him keep it. We were at the cash register together and she took the toy and put it on a nearby shelf. The child started to cry again. The mother took the toy, gave it to the child, looked me IN the eye and say "Oh, well, anything for a moment's peace, right?"

I thought to myself: You just sold away a lifetime's peace, lady - You just taught that child that tantrums work.

And, finally, keep your eyes open. - Rides that dump into stores often have alternate exits. Star Tours doesn't - but - it's a small world has a set of stairs around the store. Buzz Lightyear has a hallway around the store. You don't HAVE to walk through the stores there to exit.

Adrienne

Here's another thing that worked really well when my tantrumer was that age:

Take away rides.

For the rest of the day.

Get. Tough.

You'll be there for 9 days. That's a long time. Give him chances - you decide how many ahead of time - and if he blows his chances, take away rides for the rest of the day.

If that's too much for you - take away one ride - and make it a GOOD one. One of his favorites. He doesn't know you still have 7 days to get on the ride. Don't remind him. Take it away.

If you follow through like you promised you would, he'll pay attention. If you take away one ride at a time, you might take away a couple before he gets it, but he'll get it.

Adrienne

My kids are now young adults. But, we never had major problems with tantrums, because they knew if they asked a second time, or threw a fit, it was an automatic no. I don't remember them having many fits. We also shopped on our last day, made it much easier, and the kids knew we would not be purchasing anything until then.

I meant to add that if your child throws a fit in the middle of the store, don't panic and worry about how other people are going to look at you (or your child). Chances are they have kids (or have had kids) and understand what you are going through. Once the child learns that throwing fits will not get them their way, they will change.

Also, another post said that a 6 year old will not understand the money thing. I disagree. They start learning about money now in Kindergarten! They don't totally "get" the entire concept, but what a better way to help teach them about money than to set a limit and teach them what they can and cannot get with that limit. No better place to learn than at Disneyland.

Also, another post said that a 6 year old will not understand the money thing. I disagree. They start learning about money now in Kindergarten! They don't totally "get" the entire concept, but what a better way to help teach them about money than to set a limit and teach them what they can and cannot get with that limit. No better place to learn than at Disneyland.
I think what AdK meant was they don't get the entire process. $6 isn't much different than $20 realistically. I have searched all over for the post, but perhaps AdK can post about a trip with one of her children to Target and a child's perspective with regards to money and value of a toy.

I think what AdK meant was they don't get the entire process. $6 isn't much different than $20 realistically. I have searched all over for the post, but perhaps AdK can post about a trip with one of her children to Target and a child's perspective with regards to money and value of a toy.

Malcon10t is correct. My 6-y/o can identify money and tell you what each coin and dollar's number attachment is - but the idea of "how much" is $20 versus $6 is very abstract still for a child that age.

I'm having a mommy brain fart - I have a couple of ideas of which story that was. I know there was one time that my 6-y/o had a gift card to spend at Target and he couldn't get around the idea that he couldn't pick a gift worth more than his gift card was for.

We gave him money this summer for our brief vacation to Solvang and it was very interesting to watch him try to find something in the stores that was in his budget.

And it's also abstract to think that when the money's gone, it's gone. We never run out of money! We're the parents. We have checks and credit cards and, as my sons have told me, we can go to an ATM and just get more if we run out!

So one thing to keep in mind with this age group is - giving a 6-y/o money may not end the tantrums as much as postpone them until he runs out of money and asks for more ;) I purposely worded my post as a "Caution" - I'm not disagreeing with the idea, I just want to point out that there are going to be challenges with giving a 6-y/o money to spend.

Adrienne

So one thing to keep in mind with this age group is - giving a 6-y/o money may not end the tantrums as much as postpone them until he runs out of money and asks for more ;) I purposely worded my post as a "Caution" - I'm not disagreeing with the idea, I just want to point out that there are going to be challenges with giving a 6-y/o money to spend.

AdrienneI thought this incident involved cash. He picked a toy, but it was going to cost $X. He was fine with it costing $X, but couldn't comprehend $X meant ALL his money. I think your husband was with him. I just remember the line "You're giving her ALL my money!" I thought it was early in this year, but looking through your posts (did you know you post 8-10 posts a day! Fun when you are looking for 1 post!!!!) I couldn't find it.

My DS has had an allowance since he was four. He gets $1.00 per yer per week. So now that he is 5, he gets $5.00 per week. He will ask me "How many allowances is that?" when he sees something he wants, and he has since he was 4. Now at Disney, we all get one "big" thing on the last day, and he knows it. He saves his allowances and spends his own money for other things at Disney.(he currently has six weeks of allowances saved and we leave in three weeks.) Do I cave every now and then while we are there? Maybe. Do I cave if there is a tantrum? No. If he starts with the tantrum (and I can see it coming) I lean down and very quietly ask if he would like to go into the bathroom, and the answer is always "No Mommy". Because, to borrow from Bill Engvall, in the bathroom "There are no witnesses." My son went through a tantrum phase when he turned five, and they were big ones. The phase lasted two weeks. We took a firm "We do not negotiate with terrorists" stance. Mommy and Daddy make the rules, and that is that.
With my son, I know when he is being unreasonable, he is usually tired or hungry, so I keep him well fed and pay for the stroller at WDW.