Trip Reports
01-08-2007, 10:05 AM
B. Zall -- January 2001
The Best Burger in the "World" -- Continued
Those of you who have followed our hamburger ratings over the last few years (at least some of which are on Brian Bennett's site) may be interested in the following three updates from our recent extended stay in the World:
WARNING: vegetarians. Please exit now, using the doorway on the right. You will not like what you read below! Save yourself, using the "chicken" exit (no chickens were harmed in the making of this exit).
Beaches & Cream: OK, hundreds (um, dozens? . . . well, a few anyway) of people disagreed with our low rating of the burgers and hotdogs at Beaches and Cream at the Yacht/Beach Club. So we gave it another chance on a freezing night in early January. Leaving aside the cold breeze blowing across our table, the packed conditions (both not really their fault), and the indifferent service (which was their fault), I have good news and bad news:
First, the good news. The HOT DOG (background: although this is a burger hunt, we have someone in our party who eats more hotdogs than the population of India combined) was much improved. In 1999, the hot dog was literally inedible - spoiled taste, cold, served badly (how can you ruin a hot dog? I know -- now). This time we had a choice of a kid's dog (regular size) or an adult dog ("foot long" and no, this does not mean my foot or yours - it's better described as "bun length"). Our experienced investigator chose the adult dog and pronounced it just fine. In fact it was considered a good dog.
Now the bad news. The burgers were again just plain bad. Low on almost all of our scales: color, cooking, taste, bun, condiments, sides. Tasteless, really. Just a greasy, bland gray mass. You can do so much better, folks! See below.
Jungle Jim's: Renowned for its drinks (particularly the specials: "after three of our drinks, you're invisible"), Jungle Jim's also offers the best burger in the Crossroads Shopping Center (at the end of the non-Disney, on-property hotels. The decor is eclectic, including one of the helicopters used in the movie MASH hanging over the bar. The drinks, including soft drinks, come with plastic animals that hook together like Toy Story's Barrel of Monkeys. Lots of TV's in the bar area (we watched football playoffs there). And the burgers were great: ground steak, not hamburger. Cooked as ordered. Bun was crisp on the outside, flavorful inside. Good sides, including crisp lettuce and tasty pickle. Choice of mustard (French's, of course, please). They do have a special burger: a full pound of meat, served "Dagwood style" with lots of buns and other stuff, with a full pound of fries, for $15.21. If you eat the whole thing, including the fries, you get a coupon for a free one on your next visit; a brave soul (obviously trying to impress his date - but really what is he trying to prove here? And is that really enticing, ladies?) actually managed this feat while we were there.
But the real news!!!!! A new Number One Best Burger in the World! A little background first: we don't spend all day in the parks, commando-ing. We often take a break mid-day and explore other areas. This time we went to 'Ohana for lunch. We drove up to the Polynesian parking guard, who stopped us. "Oh, they let you out of the Institute?" he said, peering in at our family, which probably did not fit the profile of the corporate trainees who now frequent the former Disney Village. But then it was cold and we were bundled up, and who knows, the little guy in the back seat might have been a dot-com wizard. You just can't tell these days. So I said, "we're here for lunch at 'Ohana." He looked at me curiously and said, "Well, you know where to go for good food. Just repeat after me: 'Ohana and Kona Cafe, second floor on your right." I blinked and mumbled, "Umm. Oh. Kay. 'Ohana and Kona Cafe on second right to your floor." "Close enough," he said and motioned us through. We parked and went in. Now, you've already caught on to what he didn't say, and why he mentioned Kona Cafe. 'Ohana is not open for lunch, which was as much a surprise to me as to the waitress I gently questioned about the slow service.
Well, we could have gone to Evergreen's, the site that won top billing in our prior burger contests. Evergreens is the sports bar at the back of the Shades of Green hotel, run by the military across the street from the Poly. That is, the hotel is across the street from the Poly. Though there are military across the street from the Poly, at least there are at Shades of Green. Anyway. . . .Great burger (though some have not had such good luck going when it was crowded). But we were up for something new, so we went to guest services in the Poly lobby.
"So," I jovially began to the lovely dark-haired CM at the desk, "we're looking for good places to eat lunch."
She looked at me and smiled. "Kona Cafe on the second floor, sir," she said in a thick accent.
"Um, not here," I replied. "Another hotel."
She blinked at me, confused, and said, "Well, I really am not sure which you want."
Fortunately, at this point, an older CM intervened at the desk, and whipped out one of those thick information booklets they used to mail to you with your reservations and now give you in your check-in packets.
"I keep this around for those questions," she said.
And we began to scan through the various offerings. Not much, it appears, in the way of memorable lunch experiences in the resorts these days. (I remember when the Diz execs used to spend lunches in the resort restaurants, but didn't see anyone I recognized this trip. Most of the ones I knew are probably gone now anyway, or chained to desks, or on Eisner's salad lunch plan or something. ) So it came down to a choice between West Side (where we'd already had a not so good experience at Wolfie's Puck place - can you say cold meat loaf - twice!!) and the Concourse Steakhouse in the Contemporary.
Well, it turned out we made the right choice, to find the best burger. It wasn't even anything we'd planned on, though I barely recalled someone on RADP mentioning this place as a hidden gem. But the turning point was that we wanted to stay on the monorail to go back into the MK (actually, we just walked over to the MK afterwards - burn off those calories, you know).
So off we went to the Contemporary, cruising from the Poly to the Grand Floridian (where we had a great view of the roofers at work), to the MK ("Dad, we're not getting off here?" "No, no fun today!") to the Contemporary. Down the escalator to the concourse level. Right past it to Chef Mickey's.
"Look, Chef Mickey's!" I said, "Where's the Fastpass Distribution?" Not open, said the sign. I should have known from the fact that there were no people in there, but by that point in the vacation I would have happily gone anywhere there were no long lines or masses of people (and this was after New Years, which is supposed to be a "down" period - "sorry, all Fast Passes have been distributed for today").
By this time the family had already found the Concourse Steakhouse from the fact that on the front desk there were exquisitely fashioned Christmas cookies - not the cheap kind, but full-featured big ones with red and green sugar sprinkles. (I got an angel, others got trees, stars, etc., but that was later.) My family LOVES cookies for dessert. I'm more a cherry pie type, but whatever. So this sort of drew them in even before I got there.
So we were seated and Diane floated in. Now Diane was not a Cinderella type. She was more of New Yawker but without a strong accent. Dark hair, not tall, but with a presence. Strong opinions, good, self-confident. Efficient, knowledgeable. (I confess, I even asked her if she was Gardenia's CM Mommy). I would like to see Diane go up against the mighty Paragon. Para may have box cutters, but Diane . . . Diane has a full set of steak knives. . . and an appreciation for using them on meat.
So anyway we were there for lunch. Diane was explaining to me the difference between a New York and a Kansas City cut (steak, not with the knife. The steak. Please, keep your mind off these martial arts.) I had a personal stupidity moment. Really. I said, "OK, I'll just have the Reuben." Big mistake. I mean, go into a steakhouse, these chops, and steaks, and burgers, and all this, and I say, "the Reuben, please." Remember the scene in Aladdin, when the Genie's jaw drops on the floor. Clang!! That was Diane. But just for a second, then she said, "Uh, ok. But you know going from the Kansas City to the Reuben, is like a race car and a Volvo." "Yeah," I stupidly replied, "but I feel like some sauerkraut." "That's in there," she sighed, and finished the order. Let me tell you. The Reuben? No. Don't. Big sandwich. Fresh, lots of meat. But the edges were kinda dry and hard, and there wasn't enough cabbage, pickled or otherwise, on that sandwich to keep one of the bugs from the Rescuers dining room alive (remember the scene in Rescuers Down Under - one of my favorite movies, if only for the really creative use of perspective in that first shot of the Outback rushing toward you, but I digress . . . again).
But the burgers some others got!!!! Um-mwawmp! (that's that weird French-type sound somebody makes with their fingers and thumb pointed at their mouth and springing apart like flavor bursting forth as they go kinda smacky-mwamp). Let's go through it on the burger scale: meat was real steak. Diane pointed out that because theirs was so lean, you didn't want to get it really well-done because it would be too dry, and the medium was just right (even though I like mine well-done). Very tasty. Grilled to perfection, and a really big patty, hand-formed (unless the machine was having a bad day) and juicy.
Did I mention that it had real taste? Joy of Cooking says that salting and cooking it correctly (searing and not too much turning or handling) make a kind of earthy deep taste come out in meat, and that was this burger. The chef knew how to cook! The bun was a masterpiece. Toasty, with a scent of the grill still on it. It didn't have that nice "brand" that Sand Trap Cafe puts on its buns (and Whispering Canyon tries to copy with a branding iron - of course, there they probably put the branding iron to other uses as well and it might have been worn down by the time they used it on our buns...Er, oops, that didn't quite come out right...), but it was nicely formed with real bumpy ridges on the top. The center cut was clean, and toasted to a nice firmness that resisted pressure, but was easy to bite through. Bacon strips were full and meaty.
The fries were the best we've had on property, good and thick , like steakhouse fries should be. Even the pickle was tasty, not the mass-produced chemically-tasting limp green sticks you see elsewhere, but one that the Vlassic stork would find satisfyingly crunchy. Good other sides in the onion rings and fruit, and apparently any condiment you wanted. The ambiance was fine for the Contemporary. We were right below the monorail. The first time one went by, the old California-honed anti-earthquake instincts kicked in, and I about turned over the table jumping up. "Head for the doorway," I cried, "get under an arch." My son turned around and apologized to everyone nearby. But after that I was fine.
Diane was at the table next to us, carefully explaining to the little boy sitting there that the strange man over at our table wouldn't hurt him, but was just an example of what not to do in public. The little boy was more interested in the steak knives.
Anyway, did I mention the shakes? We had been to Beaches and Cream the night before and found the shakes bland and uninteresting, with too much whipped cream. Didn't even finish mine, even with an assist from a young'un. But here, my chocolate shake was made with real chocolate ice cream (no cocoa taste), and the vanilla tasted like real bean-based stuff. Diane brought carafes of soft drinks with the original glass so the boys didn't have to wait for refills.
And the real kicker? The whole meal cost less than our tab at Beaches. Only a few cents, but still. See what I meant before about doing better? Better food, cost less, nicer place, and Diane's knife throwing act for entertainment (I just made up that last). After finding out that they no longer give the free kid's meal, I think we got some other really minor discount, but I don't remember what. As we left, as I said, we each got a Xmas cookie. I filled out a comment card, and on the part where it said "What can we do better?" I said, "Clone Diane."
So a new No. 1 in the Burger Contest: Contemporary Concourse Steakhouse! A hidden gem, often overlooked in the shadow of its more boisterous neighbor, Chef Mickey's. But isn't that often the case? Look beyond the noisy ones, the famous ones, the ones that everyone's clamoring to see, and you might find something even better, sitting quietly, pleasantly, next door.
B, J, K & B Zall
The Best Burger in the "World" -- Continued
Those of you who have followed our hamburger ratings over the last few years (at least some of which are on Brian Bennett's site) may be interested in the following three updates from our recent extended stay in the World:
WARNING: vegetarians. Please exit now, using the doorway on the right. You will not like what you read below! Save yourself, using the "chicken" exit (no chickens were harmed in the making of this exit).
Beaches & Cream: OK, hundreds (um, dozens? . . . well, a few anyway) of people disagreed with our low rating of the burgers and hotdogs at Beaches and Cream at the Yacht/Beach Club. So we gave it another chance on a freezing night in early January. Leaving aside the cold breeze blowing across our table, the packed conditions (both not really their fault), and the indifferent service (which was their fault), I have good news and bad news:
First, the good news. The HOT DOG (background: although this is a burger hunt, we have someone in our party who eats more hotdogs than the population of India combined) was much improved. In 1999, the hot dog was literally inedible - spoiled taste, cold, served badly (how can you ruin a hot dog? I know -- now). This time we had a choice of a kid's dog (regular size) or an adult dog ("foot long" and no, this does not mean my foot or yours - it's better described as "bun length"). Our experienced investigator chose the adult dog and pronounced it just fine. In fact it was considered a good dog.
Now the bad news. The burgers were again just plain bad. Low on almost all of our scales: color, cooking, taste, bun, condiments, sides. Tasteless, really. Just a greasy, bland gray mass. You can do so much better, folks! See below.
Jungle Jim's: Renowned for its drinks (particularly the specials: "after three of our drinks, you're invisible"), Jungle Jim's also offers the best burger in the Crossroads Shopping Center (at the end of the non-Disney, on-property hotels. The decor is eclectic, including one of the helicopters used in the movie MASH hanging over the bar. The drinks, including soft drinks, come with plastic animals that hook together like Toy Story's Barrel of Monkeys. Lots of TV's in the bar area (we watched football playoffs there). And the burgers were great: ground steak, not hamburger. Cooked as ordered. Bun was crisp on the outside, flavorful inside. Good sides, including crisp lettuce and tasty pickle. Choice of mustard (French's, of course, please). They do have a special burger: a full pound of meat, served "Dagwood style" with lots of buns and other stuff, with a full pound of fries, for $15.21. If you eat the whole thing, including the fries, you get a coupon for a free one on your next visit; a brave soul (obviously trying to impress his date - but really what is he trying to prove here? And is that really enticing, ladies?) actually managed this feat while we were there.
But the real news!!!!! A new Number One Best Burger in the World! A little background first: we don't spend all day in the parks, commando-ing. We often take a break mid-day and explore other areas. This time we went to 'Ohana for lunch. We drove up to the Polynesian parking guard, who stopped us. "Oh, they let you out of the Institute?" he said, peering in at our family, which probably did not fit the profile of the corporate trainees who now frequent the former Disney Village. But then it was cold and we were bundled up, and who knows, the little guy in the back seat might have been a dot-com wizard. You just can't tell these days. So I said, "we're here for lunch at 'Ohana." He looked at me curiously and said, "Well, you know where to go for good food. Just repeat after me: 'Ohana and Kona Cafe, second floor on your right." I blinked and mumbled, "Umm. Oh. Kay. 'Ohana and Kona Cafe on second right to your floor." "Close enough," he said and motioned us through. We parked and went in. Now, you've already caught on to what he didn't say, and why he mentioned Kona Cafe. 'Ohana is not open for lunch, which was as much a surprise to me as to the waitress I gently questioned about the slow service.
Well, we could have gone to Evergreen's, the site that won top billing in our prior burger contests. Evergreens is the sports bar at the back of the Shades of Green hotel, run by the military across the street from the Poly. That is, the hotel is across the street from the Poly. Though there are military across the street from the Poly, at least there are at Shades of Green. Anyway. . . .Great burger (though some have not had such good luck going when it was crowded). But we were up for something new, so we went to guest services in the Poly lobby.
"So," I jovially began to the lovely dark-haired CM at the desk, "we're looking for good places to eat lunch."
She looked at me and smiled. "Kona Cafe on the second floor, sir," she said in a thick accent.
"Um, not here," I replied. "Another hotel."
She blinked at me, confused, and said, "Well, I really am not sure which you want."
Fortunately, at this point, an older CM intervened at the desk, and whipped out one of those thick information booklets they used to mail to you with your reservations and now give you in your check-in packets.
"I keep this around for those questions," she said.
And we began to scan through the various offerings. Not much, it appears, in the way of memorable lunch experiences in the resorts these days. (I remember when the Diz execs used to spend lunches in the resort restaurants, but didn't see anyone I recognized this trip. Most of the ones I knew are probably gone now anyway, or chained to desks, or on Eisner's salad lunch plan or something. ) So it came down to a choice between West Side (where we'd already had a not so good experience at Wolfie's Puck place - can you say cold meat loaf - twice!!) and the Concourse Steakhouse in the Contemporary.
Well, it turned out we made the right choice, to find the best burger. It wasn't even anything we'd planned on, though I barely recalled someone on RADP mentioning this place as a hidden gem. But the turning point was that we wanted to stay on the monorail to go back into the MK (actually, we just walked over to the MK afterwards - burn off those calories, you know).
So off we went to the Contemporary, cruising from the Poly to the Grand Floridian (where we had a great view of the roofers at work), to the MK ("Dad, we're not getting off here?" "No, no fun today!") to the Contemporary. Down the escalator to the concourse level. Right past it to Chef Mickey's.
"Look, Chef Mickey's!" I said, "Where's the Fastpass Distribution?" Not open, said the sign. I should have known from the fact that there were no people in there, but by that point in the vacation I would have happily gone anywhere there were no long lines or masses of people (and this was after New Years, which is supposed to be a "down" period - "sorry, all Fast Passes have been distributed for today").
By this time the family had already found the Concourse Steakhouse from the fact that on the front desk there were exquisitely fashioned Christmas cookies - not the cheap kind, but full-featured big ones with red and green sugar sprinkles. (I got an angel, others got trees, stars, etc., but that was later.) My family LOVES cookies for dessert. I'm more a cherry pie type, but whatever. So this sort of drew them in even before I got there.
So we were seated and Diane floated in. Now Diane was not a Cinderella type. She was more of New Yawker but without a strong accent. Dark hair, not tall, but with a presence. Strong opinions, good, self-confident. Efficient, knowledgeable. (I confess, I even asked her if she was Gardenia's CM Mommy). I would like to see Diane go up against the mighty Paragon. Para may have box cutters, but Diane . . . Diane has a full set of steak knives. . . and an appreciation for using them on meat.
So anyway we were there for lunch. Diane was explaining to me the difference between a New York and a Kansas City cut (steak, not with the knife. The steak. Please, keep your mind off these martial arts.) I had a personal stupidity moment. Really. I said, "OK, I'll just have the Reuben." Big mistake. I mean, go into a steakhouse, these chops, and steaks, and burgers, and all this, and I say, "the Reuben, please." Remember the scene in Aladdin, when the Genie's jaw drops on the floor. Clang!! That was Diane. But just for a second, then she said, "Uh, ok. But you know going from the Kansas City to the Reuben, is like a race car and a Volvo." "Yeah," I stupidly replied, "but I feel like some sauerkraut." "That's in there," she sighed, and finished the order. Let me tell you. The Reuben? No. Don't. Big sandwich. Fresh, lots of meat. But the edges were kinda dry and hard, and there wasn't enough cabbage, pickled or otherwise, on that sandwich to keep one of the bugs from the Rescuers dining room alive (remember the scene in Rescuers Down Under - one of my favorite movies, if only for the really creative use of perspective in that first shot of the Outback rushing toward you, but I digress . . . again).
But the burgers some others got!!!! Um-mwawmp! (that's that weird French-type sound somebody makes with their fingers and thumb pointed at their mouth and springing apart like flavor bursting forth as they go kinda smacky-mwamp). Let's go through it on the burger scale: meat was real steak. Diane pointed out that because theirs was so lean, you didn't want to get it really well-done because it would be too dry, and the medium was just right (even though I like mine well-done). Very tasty. Grilled to perfection, and a really big patty, hand-formed (unless the machine was having a bad day) and juicy.
Did I mention that it had real taste? Joy of Cooking says that salting and cooking it correctly (searing and not too much turning or handling) make a kind of earthy deep taste come out in meat, and that was this burger. The chef knew how to cook! The bun was a masterpiece. Toasty, with a scent of the grill still on it. It didn't have that nice "brand" that Sand Trap Cafe puts on its buns (and Whispering Canyon tries to copy with a branding iron - of course, there they probably put the branding iron to other uses as well and it might have been worn down by the time they used it on our buns...Er, oops, that didn't quite come out right...), but it was nicely formed with real bumpy ridges on the top. The center cut was clean, and toasted to a nice firmness that resisted pressure, but was easy to bite through. Bacon strips were full and meaty.
The fries were the best we've had on property, good and thick , like steakhouse fries should be. Even the pickle was tasty, not the mass-produced chemically-tasting limp green sticks you see elsewhere, but one that the Vlassic stork would find satisfyingly crunchy. Good other sides in the onion rings and fruit, and apparently any condiment you wanted. The ambiance was fine for the Contemporary. We were right below the monorail. The first time one went by, the old California-honed anti-earthquake instincts kicked in, and I about turned over the table jumping up. "Head for the doorway," I cried, "get under an arch." My son turned around and apologized to everyone nearby. But after that I was fine.
Diane was at the table next to us, carefully explaining to the little boy sitting there that the strange man over at our table wouldn't hurt him, but was just an example of what not to do in public. The little boy was more interested in the steak knives.
Anyway, did I mention the shakes? We had been to Beaches and Cream the night before and found the shakes bland and uninteresting, with too much whipped cream. Didn't even finish mine, even with an assist from a young'un. But here, my chocolate shake was made with real chocolate ice cream (no cocoa taste), and the vanilla tasted like real bean-based stuff. Diane brought carafes of soft drinks with the original glass so the boys didn't have to wait for refills.
And the real kicker? The whole meal cost less than our tab at Beaches. Only a few cents, but still. See what I meant before about doing better? Better food, cost less, nicer place, and Diane's knife throwing act for entertainment (I just made up that last). After finding out that they no longer give the free kid's meal, I think we got some other really minor discount, but I don't remember what. As we left, as I said, we each got a Xmas cookie. I filled out a comment card, and on the part where it said "What can we do better?" I said, "Clone Diane."
So a new No. 1 in the Burger Contest: Contemporary Concourse Steakhouse! A hidden gem, often overlooked in the shadow of its more boisterous neighbor, Chef Mickey's. But isn't that often the case? Look beyond the noisy ones, the famous ones, the ones that everyone's clamoring to see, and you might find something even better, sitting quietly, pleasantly, next door.
B, J, K & B Zall