Okay,

My niece is a very attractive young (20) woman. Very ladylike most of the time, blah blah blah. BUT... when that girl lets one rip - WATCH OUT! Her stomach doesn't digest stuff well. So she eats really healthy, lots of salads and vegetables, etc. But she has, bar none, the STINKIEST farts in the universe! She poofed one in the car once and everyone was rolling down the windows, gagging on the smell. And ever since she was a little kid, she had this habit of just sitting there and smiling mischeviously when she did it. But we all knew who was responsible. Not even my WORST flatulence comes close to the smell of one of her lighter (if in fact there is such a thing) farts. I mean, we're talking worse than dog food farts here.

And you'd never expect it of her.. she looks like a classy Britney Spears (only probably smaller, Jen's like a size 0)

Originally posted by Morrigoon
Okay,

My niece is a very attractive young (20) woman. Very ladylike most of the time, blah blah blah. BUT... when that girl lets one rip - WATCH OUT! Her stomach doesn't digest stuff well. So she eats really healthy, lots of salads and vegetables, etc. But she has, bar none, the STINKIEST farts in the universe! She poofed one in the car once and everyone was rolling down the windows, gagging on the smell. And ever since she was a little kid, she had this habit of just sitting there and smiling mischeviously when she did it. But we all knew who was responsible. Not even my WORST flatulence comes close to the smell of one of her lighter (if in fact there is such a thing) farts. I mean, we're talking worse than dog food farts here.

And you'd never expect it of her.. she looks like a classy Britney Spears (only probably smaller, Jen's like a size 0)

What's her name? Can I have her phone number?;)

-JRob

Originally posted by PrincessGurl
sorry to say...but my family makes the worst farts ever! If you took a fart test to see who had the smelliest farts ever, it would be my family!

ROTFLMAO :D :D :D :D

Okay, but I would NOT want to be the one administering the test. Gag fest!!!!

I have been to Japan afew times and once I read the book "Dave Does Japan" and it is socially acceptable to fart in public there, and his wife (ex) said she heard it twice, I have never heard/smelled any farts. Anyone else been to Japan and have this experience?:D

Largent81~~Your story is the stuff that Urban Legends are made of and it sounds like your little man is a chip off the ole blockette! I was laughing so hard! Mostly that you posted it for all to read!!!!:eek: Well, it has to happen to someone......;)

Now I can share my story, because after the driveway story, what the heck!

When I was about seven months pregnant with Courtney, my hubby and I went out to dinner at a nice Mexican restaurant. Afterward, we were shopping at Shopko and looking at picture frames. This nice couple comes up behind us for a minute, then walk away, just as I let out a silent, but HORRIBLE smelling guy. My husband (who we call Stinky Pete--no stranger to stinkers himself) jumps about a foot and then the smell hits me, and I look back at the couple who were still a few feet away, and say, "Geesh, thanks for stopping by...." My hubby and I walk away cracking up and gagging a little too. I'm thinking I just got away with the crime of the century. About an hour later though, in another store, another one got loose. Unfortunately, it was just the hubby and me standing there. I think I turned like four shades of purple.....I was so embarrassed. I don't think we have ever laughed that hard EVER!!! It still cracks my husband up. Whenever we smell something funny, we always say, "Thanks for stopping by."

I didn't eat Mexican again for a long time, by the way.......

Originally posted by stinkerbell

I didn't eat Mexican again for a long time, by the way....... [/B]

Oh, now I know where you got Stinkerbell. ;)
I remember you tried to pin it on your little baby,
sweet little child, called her the stinker. ;)

Your story is too funny.

Beans, beans, good for the heart.
Beans, beans, make you fart.

Isn't that how it goes? :D

When my hubby {who is the Fart Master of the Circus, dubbed so by the youngest} is about to eat a nice big bean burrito he says
'Now, who is going to sleep with us tonight?' I warn my son who likes to sleep with us who also has a habit of putting his head under the covers 'Don't! It is dangerous under there! You could pass out or something!' He KNOWS I am not joking.

Beans, Beans, they're good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the better you feel
So eat some beans with every meal

Yes, I know because that was what came out of my mouth one time when my grandfather asked me to say grace. For any of you wondering, the reaction time of my father... reaching around my mother and whopping me on the back of the head took only as long as it did to get barely into "the more you eat..." WHOMP

And referring to a previous thread that I thoroughly enjoyed... next time you or your loved one lets one rip, just smile and announce, "Oh... that was sheer MAGIC."

Originally posted by Haldwitten
Beans, Beans, they're good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the better you feel
So eat some beans with every meal

Yes, I know because that was what came out of my mouth one time when my grandfather asked me to say grace. For any of you wondering, the reaction time of my father... reaching around my mother and whopping me on the back of the head took only as long as it did to get barely into "the more you eat..." WHOMP

And referring to a previous thread that I thoroughly enjoyed... next time you or your loved one lets one rip, just smile and announce, "Oh... that was sheer MAGIC."

Actually, that would make a very good slogan for a healthy heart. ;)

LOL I think I will remember this for when my son has to make a poster for health class.

An aspirin a day... and a few good poots... your heart will thank you for it.

Though the effects of second-hand pooting may be quite detrimental to those around you.

There was an uncomfirmed Darwin Award winner (1993) where the guy had a regular diet of cabbage and beans or something like that. Well he had a very well sealed room and... well he suffocated from his own gas.

Oh and Dustin Hoffman says he farts in bed and covers his wife's head with the covers to make her suffer.:D

Haldwitten~

Really? Flatulence is good for the heart? :eek:
I can just see the family sitting around after dinner.
Ah, oh, ah, I am so heart healthy.

Nigel2~

LOL I remember my mother in law going to some sort of convention and meeting some guy who was big on cabbage. She said there was this horrible smell.............

AND
I am glad to hear even Dustin Hoffmans' wife has to put up with this sort of hijinx. My husband is a freakin' comedian. Well, maybe now I won't be so hard on him. But my bed!!! I am so affected by smells. I like to dab my favorite perfume on my pillow, or put some nice hand lotion on right before bed, or, even just leave a scented candle near me so that I can smell it.

He can not smell his 'magic'.

We always said:

"Beans, beans, the magical fruit,
The more you eat em, the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So let's have beans at every meal."

And when I say, we always said that, I mean we said it like once a day on average. Let's just say that my dad has remained married thanks in part to Bean-o.

Ah, the undercover farts......my husband is the master. Stinky Pete knows why we call him Stinky Pete.

I'm hitting send, because he's right behind me..........

Originally posted by stinkerbell


I'm hitting send, because he's right behind me.......... [/B]

Doh!!! :eek:

Bean-O, yes, I think this might be our 'Viagra'. The magical 'Save the Marriage' pill.

Your family sounds fun. I like fun families. I don't want my kids to be so uptight, we don't let it get out of hand BUT we do try to enjoy each other, too.

You know beano is a dirivative of bread mold (not related to penanicillin)

There is a joke about how single women can't fart, but I won't say it for 2 reasons. One it would be a conflict of interests. and two the punchline wouldn't get past the censors.:D

Originally posted by Nigel2
You know beano is a dirivative of bread mold (not related to penanicillin)

There is a joke about how single women can't fart, but I won't say it for 2 reasons. One it would be a conflict of interests. and two the punchline wouldn't get past the censors.:D

Conflict of interests? Hmmm. What does that mean?

Curioser and curioser.

If I said the joke it would be like shooting my self in the foot. I already do it more than a drunk NRA supporter.:D

Originally posted by Nigel2
If I said the joke it would be like shooting my self in the foot. I already do it more than a drunk NRA supporter.:D ]


LOL

I get it!!!

A little birdie P.M.'d me and told me the joke. Thank you!!!

Yes, the comparison is very good. {NRA supporter to...}

I have to say, I haven't seen you acting that way.

LOL

This fits in so perfectly with the subject that I had to post it. Warning do not drink or eat while reading. ENJOY.

Chili Judge (http://www.wbrucecameron.com/pages/columns/chilijudge.htm)

Thanks, I needed that. :D

Originally posted by MouseWife
Thanks, I needed that. :D You're welcome.

Originally posted by MouseWife
]


I have to say, I haven't seen you acting that way.

LOL

WHAT!? I must be behind on that....:mad: :D

Oh the ever popular chili judge:D ....

Oh I think I found the video from So Ghram Norton! where the guy fails at lighting a fart.:D

Originally posted by Nigel2


WHAT!? I must be behind on that....:mad: :D



Oh, don't tell me, you WANT to be seen that way?!

Don't try too hard!

like there are any good ones you like to smell ?

This stinks.

I repressing a fart bad for you?
I was watching a play once and it was very, very quiet in the house. I had to cut the cheese, but everyone would have heard it... I supressed it and it ended up making growling noises in my stomach instead. "Oh, I'm so hungry..." I whispered to a lady next to me...
So for an hour and a half I held it in.
The lady came by me @ intermission and said, "You must be really, really hungry."
;)
I hope it's not bad for you. I do it A LOT to save face...

maybe next time you should say
" Excuse me: I REALLY need to go to the snack bar. "