Hello all!

I have a dilemma and was wondering if any of you parents or family memebers of younger children could help me with my idea or if you have any of your own.

Dilemma: I am taking my nephew to DL this July for his 8th Birthday. My sis and BIL have agreed to let me take him but recently in the last few days are beginning to recant their decision.
Apparently my nephew has decided that he isnt going to do his homework or school work. His teacher has to stand over him and make him to his work in class and he basically refuses to take any homework home with him.

I really REALLY want to be able to take my nephew with to Disneyland for his Birthday but if he doesnt clean up his act we are in some trouble!

My possible solution to this is a HomeWork Chart. It will have April and May displayed on it with each day. If he does his homework every day he will earn .50cents or a dollar(havent decided that one just yet). Every2 weeks I will give him 5-10$ for the completed work and he cant get more than 3 "bad" notes from his teacher.
All the money will be put into a Disney/Star Wars-ified canister for his birthday spending money on the trip.

I thought that this would be a good incentive to get him to do his work.

PLEASE if anyone has any suggestions as to what I could do to help my little guy out and get him to Disneyland, and get him to do his work
I would be so appreciative!

If this doesnt belong in the trip planning area please move! I just thought it should be here cause it is towards planning our trip!
Thank you!

That sounds like a great idea! Let us know how it goes!

Elizabeth

Has anyone asked him why he doesn't do his work? I know that seems kind of weird- but when I asked my 6 year old why he didn't like school, he gave me a very specific and detailed answer. Working from that, we were able to fix some things and make it more enjoyable.

I'm a teacher and I can tell you honestly, I've never seen a kid (I teach high school usually) that didn't do his work "just because". There's always a reason.

IMHO, I don't think the money thing is a good idea. I think it will work in the short term for his trip to Disneyland, but in the long run, this won't teach him about the importance of doing his school work.

I'm not to hip on the money pay out either. I am not one for paying kids for things they just have to do in life. I think it sets them up to feel they should be rewarded for doing everyday stuff. Lets face it your boss isn't going to pay you more because you showed up and did your job today. Homework and doing his best in school is his job right now.

Like it or not we all have to do things in life that we would rather not do. My husband isn't thrilled with the fact that his company has down sized and he is now doing three times the work at the same pay. I don't wear my kids underware but I get to wash it. My 9 year old hates the fact that he has to bring a ton of homework on our DLC trip. Too bad, that's life. It sucks a times! Homework is and always will be a part of his childhood. He needs to learn to accept this.

I have to say I think his parents are spot on about not letting him go on the trip if he can't shape up. I know this sucks for you. If you think being an Aunt and having to accept this punishment is tuff just wait until you have a child of your own that you have to make tow the line. I know that this is tuff but you will really be doing him and his parents a big favor if you back Mom and Dad on this one.

I hope he is able to shape up because you deserve the Aunt of the year award for offering to take him on this trip. Not only would my kids love for their Aunt to take them on a Disney trip but my husband and I would adore the kidless time as well.

I hope it all works out.

Mily

I could not agree more with the not doing this posters. As the teacher said there is almost always a reason that kids do not do their school work and figuring that out is paramount to going to DL. Sorry to say that but if you establish paying a kid to do school work, that sets a bad idea into motion in the kids head.
You sound like a great aunt and I am sure you want to do what is best for your nephew, that is obvious by you wanting to take him to DL.

If you want to reward him with the same amount of spending money as he would earn from the chart then I would think a better way would just let him know "if you are able to go with me then you will have x-amount of disney dollars for our trip but if not then I am sorry but I will still try and bring you back a nice magnet" or something a 8yo boy would not be too excited about.

If there is a more in depth reason then it is important that his folks figure that out. If it just him being a lazy 8yo kid (they do get like that) the thought of losing out on a DL trip and his own spending money should be enough to snap him out of it.

Oh and 3 notes from the teacher, imo that is too many. I am kind of a meanie though. In that situation I would say no more notes or else no trip but that is just my parenting style. My wife calls me ironfisted till my little girl bats her eyelashes at me then I pass the iron fist to my wife quickly before I cave and hand my 5yo the car keys :eek:

Thanks all for the feedback.

The money thing is a right now deal, not a long term. The long term thing we are working out and I didnt feel I needed to discuss that.

The answer that he has given to both teacher and sister is, Just because and I didnt want to.

So I dont have to air out to much dirty laundry but when it comes to my nephew, there is a long history of neglect from my sister. I know for a fact that the main issue that we are dealing with is attention. And its the negative kind, which is all he ever gets.

Again, the money is a reward for right now and is not a long term deal.

If anyone else has any more suggestions, please keep them coming!

I don't know what exactly was asked, but when I was working with students, if I simply asked them why they didn't complete their work, they said, "I don't know." I found I had to ask more detailed questions, like "what subject is your least favorite?" or "which questions do you have the hardest time answering?"

There are a lot of issues going on here. You need to be sure his parents are in agreement with whatever you set up. It would be a bad situation to set this up, then his parents decide he still can't go.

They are actually in agreement with what I am trying to set up. They were the first ones I had asked what their opinions were of this. And again, we both had agreed that the money as a reward was just for now, because all its benefiting is his trip and nothing else.

I was just looking to see if anyone else had any experience with this. Their little ones not doing their work.

My nephew has a tendency to stick with his answers of, Just because and I didnt want to.

Sorry, I don't have any personal experience. DS is only 8 months. I used to work at a school, but I worked with older kids, 6-12 grade.

First of all, I am a teacher. I have taught PreK, K, 1st, and 2nd grades. I teach a regular classroom but I service many intervention children each and every year. This is my 10th year...thus many children over the years. I have alot of experience with students who have attention difficulties, emotional issues, etc. First, I have never met a student thus far who doesn't do his work if the parents are supporting your efforts at school. Example, "You can not watch TV, play on the computer, etc. until you finish all of your work on-time at school. Seeing, you did not do that today you will sit at the table and finish your work from today." Now, with that being said...if the child doesn't understand what is being asked of him (and can not do it) that is a DIFFERENT story. That is only something that can only be determined by a conference with the teacher. If you are in the same area, you and his mom get along well, and you are willing to tutor him DAILY if possible (if needed), then you may meet with his mom and the teacher. If that is an option, I HIGHLY suggest that you and his mom meet together first to make sure you are on the same page BEFORE the conference. Furthermore, both my kids 17 and 13 are ADHD and my 18 year old has Tourett's. Both have attended the magnet school in our area. Both have maintained A's and B's. Attention issues does not equal can't perform. That DOES NOT FLY in my home nor classroom. Now, having a child earn money for doing their work is just something I'd never consider. A sticker chart, yes. I'd have five blocks on a row (for a week). I'd have him earn a sticker for completing his work on time at school and for behavior for the day. I'd require him to complete x amount of stickers over all to have a "A" average in conduct using his school's scale. (May need to ask the teacher how she calculates it and if she adds not doing his work as part of the conduct grade - I do. At my school, He could get 4/5 stickers a week and maintain an "A". It will be hard for him to start. I'd suggest telling him how many stickers he needs overall to go. Example if 10 weeks are left, he needs 40 total stickers. This way if he has one week with 3 stickers but 2 weeks with all 5 stickers he can "make it up". His grade average will still be an "A" in the end and he won't feel defeated with the first week having less than 4 stickers.) Hope this helps. I LOVE my job and I treat my students like my own kids. I have many positive rewards set up to reward them for doing well. This keeps them from not wanting to try. They want to be caught BEEing good! I think your heart is in the right place but make sure you are supporting his parents and teachers with your efforts to motivate him. If he does not make his goal - he does not go PERIOD.

ChurroGirl, I noticed you are in Phoenix, is your nephew in Arizona also. I ask because the schools are starting AIMS/Terra Nova testing next week.

Last year my daughter starting getting headaches and tummy aches around this time. The schools made such a big deal about the testing. Get to bed early, eat a good breakfast, etc. My daughter was stressing out that if she didn't pass the tests she would not pass to the next grade.

We had a long talk about how the tests were just to see how much she knew and that they were really tests to see how well their teachers were teaching them. She calmed down. This year she is fine with it.

So if it is a recent thing with your nephew, you may want to dig a little deeper.

My nephew has a tendency to stick with his answers of, Just because and I didnt want to.I did. And you need to get past "Just because" as that isn't the real answer. There is more going on. It could be control issues or it could be he doesn't understand and doesn't want to admit it. It's rarely as simple as "Just because".

When one of my sons had issues, it was because he felt overwhelmed by the quantity of work. He was dysgraphic and ADHD. Seeing too many math problems just made him feel like he couldn't do it, in spite of the fact he did well in math. We worked out in his 504 that he could do half the problems, and I would correct, and if he got them right, then he didn't have to do the other half.

ChurroGirl-
There is a reason, even if his reason right now is "just because"... he needs to feel safe and able to tell you. Boys in particular have a hard time talking face to face. Take him for a walk, shoot hoops, send him an email, go play wii- whatever gets him doing something else. Then start with a story about something that was hard for you in life and is relevant to him. (Even if you have to fudge a little). Then follow with "Do you ever feel like that?" It could be a whole multitude of things- upcoming testing with pressure from the teachers, boredom at school, bullying, fights at home you don't know about, a learning disability that is making things increasingly more difficult- who knows.

It seems from your message that this is relatively new behavior and he's not just a defiant child. Good luck and I hope you're able to take him. It sounds like he needs it!

EmmasMom- YES! I actually did not think of that. He is in Chandler and I know that they are "preping" for the AIMS but I did not know that they were going to start it soon.

With my nephew its not that he is fidgety or cant pay attention. He is in 2nd grade I think and is in a 6th grade reading level, and a 4th grade math level. He is SUPER intelligent! I know there is something deeper going on. Its not just a, I didnt want to thing!

EM- Thanks for that thought! I will have to talk to his mom about that and maybe it is the pressure!


With the money and the homework chart, I should have clarified that better! Sorry. He will be receiving stickers to put on the chart, each stick is worth a certain amount. When we get ready to go on the trip we will tally up all the different kinds of stickers(each will have a different price) and that will be his spending money for the trip.
Now that I have been thinking about it and incorporating all of your suggestions, I dont think we will tell him we are giving him money. We will just give him different stickers for the amount of home work he gets. Some days he gets 1 page, he can get up to 5 pages of homework. So we will have varying stickers for this and TO ME, when I see the chart I will know, and only me, how much he has earned. Cause for me, I want him to earn his spending money. I already have his mom keeping tabs on his chores secretly!

It seems from your message that this is relatively new behavior and he's not just a defiant child. Good luck and I hope you're able to take him. It sounds like he needs it!

Thanks. See he is not a defiant child, AT ALL!! He is so good! And again, REALLY SMART! I wish I was that smart when I was 7!

I swear, he really did used to love doing his homework. At his school he used to have this work book and the teacher would have them do pages x to pages b for homework, he always did more or at school. His teacher was very impressed, but now, nothing!

I just thought that having the homework chart with cool Star Wars and Disney stickers(secertly he would be earning his spending money for DL without knowing) would be a good incentive to try and get him motivated more.
I really want to take him to DL for his birthday and I really wanted to come up with a way to get him to do what he needs to, with a cool incentive and again, secertly earn is monies! So homework chart was my solution.

With my nephew its not that he is fidgety or cant pay attention. He is in 2nd grade I think and is in a 6th grade reading level, and a 4th grade math level. He is SUPER intelligent!
It sounds like he is bored. DS and DD2 are both this way. She started refusing to do work last year. Sometimes she will get everything done really fast and perfectly other times its like pulling teeth!! DS would get in trouble for talking/distracting others cause he had already figured out whatever it was so he had no more interest in it.

It sounds like he is bored.
You might have something there, especially if they're doing a lot of review for the testing that is 'grade level'!

To help with homework you may want to take him out to buy some cool homework supplies. Pencils with his favorite characters, cool pencil sharpeners, clipboards, etc. You may further want to help him set aside a place that he will always do his homework and make that a "cool" and inviting space as well. Some children find being at the kitchen table too distracting to work. Others feel left out if sent to their rooms. So, you may want to find out what works for him. If he can do the work and just sees it as boaring and too much to do I suggest breaking it into two sections (before and after supper). Get what he doesn't want to do the MOST and have him do that 1st and get it out of the way. If he has 2 pages do the hardest 1st, eat, bath, then, do the 2nd. Some children work well with a timer. If it should take him 20 minutes put the timer in front of him so he can see as he's working he's actually making progress. May want to make a game out of beating the timer as well. Just a few more ideas.

I sent you a PM with other thoughts- it doesn't sound to me at all like a reward chart will work with your nephew, except as a temporary bandaid to a bigger problem. But it might get you to Disneyland!

You might have something there, especially if they're doing a lot of review for the testing that is 'grade level'!


ITA! My nephew is 6 and just went through/is going through the same thing. He is above his grade level in every subject and when they started reviewing for testing he got so bored and started to act out at school/not do homework/not want to read/etc. It took a lot of poking and prodding but they finally figured out that was the reason.

Why are they testing 6 year olds? Standardized testing starts in second grade here.

My first grader is very resistant to repettive work. If I give her 20 subtraction problems she throws a hissy fit but give her 20 word problems that involve subtraction and she eats it up.

MDM has a little boy in her class (3rd grade) who is GATE, but was giving her headaches in the classroom. No matter what she did, he was very resistant to her. Finally, she showed him how to do powers in math. And she rewards him. When he gets all the other work done (that is boring to him) ahead of the others and has spare time, he gets rewarded with a hard math problem! He thinks he is on top of the world, and thinks she is now the greatest.

If THAT's not a sign MDM has chosen the right profession, I don't know what is!:)